


all my dreams and doubts

by ekzxo (2870)



Category: EXO (Band), NCT (Band), SuperM (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Flirting, Begging, Developing Friendships, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Heartbreak, Hopeless Romantic, Jealousy, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining, Requited Unrequited Love, Smut, friends with benefits sekai, kaiyong will be alright, squint for sebaek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:40:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26310520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2870/pseuds/ekzxo
Summary: Jongin thinks he is the best, and worst, candidate for Taeyong. He can't see a world where his best friend is his, but he can't see one where he isn't. There is not a single person worth Taeyong's time and affection. As a best friend, Jongin knows that, and he is one of them.
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai/Lee Taeyong, Minor Byun Baekhyun/Lee Taeyong
Comments: 10
Kudos: 91





	all my dreams and doubts

**Author's Note:**

> watched superm first v-live. loved the college party trope. was only supposed to be a party and love confessions. turned into 10k+ angst/hurt/comfort/true love instead. ahah :) enjoy
> 
> those nights as the title ^o^  
> kaiyong edit for this fic here [here!](https://twitter.com/287aus/status/1302823362201153542?s=20)

The sound of the bell chimes when it opens. Taeyong holds the door open and greets him with a warm smile. Stray hair pokes up in various directions while some strands are damp and glued to his forehead. He is a disheveled wreck with flour on his signature apron and drying dough beneath his slender fingertips. All Jongin can think of is Taeyong's hard work and dedication.

"Are there any bad pastries?"

"There is no such thing as _bad_ pastries," Taeyong mutters while untying his apron.

Jongin instinctively moves Taeyong's hands to undo the knot for him. He takes off the apron and balls it up while he walks to the back of the cafe, but stops when he hears Taeyong hissing behind him. When he looks over his shoulder expectantly, Taeyong steals the apron away from his hand.

"You'll wrinkle it."

"It's just an apron."

Taeyong sighs, "An apron that needs to go onto a rack. Don't wrinkle my apron."

Jongin has a handbook of ways to make Taeyong pout. For Jongin, it's like a shot of serotonin when Taeyong's eyebrows are relaxed with his lips dramatically purse out. Teasing him is a way to reveal that expression to Jongin. He chuckles at succeeding and being rewarded with the sight of Taeyong's jutted lip while he hangs the apron onto the hook. 

"So, bad pastries?"

"Yeah, yeah. What'll you have?"

Jongin examines the display fridge for something that'll satisfy his sweets cravings. He flickers his attention at Taeyong who already has a small tray for takeout. If only. 

"Coconut pie for me and strawberry macarons for you."

"I don't need anything."

"But they'll spoil soon," Jongin persuades, just so he can get Taeyong his favorite dessert.

"No, those are good on the shelf for a few more days. But that pie's gotta go by tomorrow. So one pie? Would you like anything else?"

Jongin shakes his head and pulls out his frequent buyers card and paper bills. He receives a discount for the late night food that'll go to waste as usual, then leaves a tip in the jar.

"Take that out."

"What? I'm not going to steal from your sister's shop."

Taeyong shrugs in defeat, knowing not to fight Jongin's thoughtful gestures. Jongin follows him to the back of the cafe where Taeyong puts on his coat and accepts a damp towelette from Jongin to wipe his face, then they exit through the side door. Crisp, cool wind meets them outside and the refreshing smell of after-rain tickles Jongin's senses.

"Do you need to go anywhere first?"

"Not that I know of. Do you want to just head to the party already? I can drive while you eat your pie."

"It's okay."

Jongin doesn't actually want the pie, he just likes to buy things from the cafe to help out the Lee siblings. While their desserts are unconditionally heavenly with their moist and richness, they fail to receive the amount of customers they deserve. He doesn't exactly purchase out of pity, he likes to think every purchase counts.

As Jongin's pulling into the main street, Taeyong slaps his thigh with a gasp. Jongin is taken aback, holding onto his chest with the hand that isn't on the steering wheel.

"What's the matter?"

"Wait, on second thought I need to change. I'm not going in there like this."

"Sure, but you look fine," Jongin assures.

"That's the thing. _Fine_ won't land me a love interest."

"It's just Jaehyun's house party."

"Yeah, but Lucas told me it's one of his biggest ones yet. Who knows how this night will go. I might meet someone. Something like that, right?"

Jongin is hesitant to make eye contact with Taeyong because he's afraid he might see too much hopefulness for something that Jongin doesn't want to be real. He wouldn't be able to stomach the sight of Taeyong biting his lip with a glint in his eyes, at the thought of a future suitor. He has done it before, and Jongin always has to shy away. A look for someone that doesn't even exist is what Taeyong always does when thinking about meeting someone at his cafe, or a walk in the street with Jongin, or at a party.

When there is nothing but silence on Jongin's end, Taeyong pinches his chin, getting Jongin to look directly at him. "Tell me that'll happen to me one day," he comments despite already making Jongin nod with his face in between his fingers. 

Jongin crashes onto Taeyong's bed, knowing it's going to take longer than _just a couple of minutes_. He buries his face into his hands and thinks about how this night could play out. 

They haven't gone to a party in a few months, with Taeyong trying his best to balance school and work. And Jongin, well, if one doesn't go, the other finds an excuse. But lo and behold, their friends begged and bribed them to come. 

Taeyong has become more incessant on finding somebody new. He claims it's all the workload piling up on him, he needs to prioritize something other than it. Jongin plays it off, telling him he should worry about his best friend's well being. Taeyong only chuckles warmly in response and pats Jongin's shoulders.

There have been no new stories since that one guy who gave his number to Taeyong at the cafe. That went to utter shit because he actually wanted to talk about the girl who ran the drinks. To say Taeyong was hurt was an understatement. Jongin gave his shoulder to a slobbery, snotty Taeyong who whined about how he'll never find a guy who likes him. Apparently the women at the shop like to talk about their dates and he is always enthusiastic for them but by the end of it, Jongin knows his happiness is limited and he's the one who has to take care of Taeyong when he rants about these things.

Jongin does not want to see Taeyong hurt anymore. Whether that is with somebody or without, everyone ends up hurting him somehow. Jongin wants to tell Taeyong to stop trying, but Taeyong would only think of him as a sabotage since Jongin never dates. 

They had a disastrous argument once because of this. Jongin suggested for him to stop with the hook ups and online dating. Taeyong scoffed and told him to stop being jealous that he has a love life. 

What love life when he's always crying to Jongin about stuck up men and being stood up? Jongin doesn't blame Taeyong, because he is jealous. Not for the reason Taeyong believes, but he is jealous. 

"Hey Jongin, is this good?"

By the sound of his best friend's voice, Jongin is pulled away from his stupor. He looks up and finds obnoxiously tight leather pants hugging Taeyong's legs and a laced mesh top that suits his slim upper frame. Jongin doesn't realize the blankets are balled in his fist until he looks away. Jaw clenched, face feeling blazed. His entire body is acting too obvious.

"Won't your nipples be cold?" Jongin laughs it off. 

"Body heat is a thing. It'll be so hot in the house. Even when Jaehyun's thermostat is below fifty, it's still so hot at his parties."

Jongin sits up and runs his hands through his hair in distress. He can't tell Taeyong anything. He is his own person. If Jongin can't stand up for himself and his feelings, who is he to tell Taeyong other things that he shouldn't have control over. "Alright, let's go then."

"But, it's nice right?" Taeyong says eagerly.

Jongin hums. "Yeah."

"I need a new best friend. Someone who will actually compliment me," Taeyong says while turning off the bedroom light and walking off.

Jongin sighs in the darkness, eyes strained at the sight of nothing. He composes himself for a moment before taking off.

"You look nice, Taeyong. If you didn't, I would've told you to change into something more appealing," Jongin reassures as he stares at Taeyong who leans against his car with his arms crossed, impatience and irritation written on his face. 

"It's whatever. I just need your opinion sometimes. Would it hurt to agree? You stopped helping me for a while now. I don't say anything," Taeyong says casually, but then it sounds bitter when he laughs, "Do you think I've gotten ugly or something?"

Jongin chokes on air as he steps into the car. "No, no, not at all! You've always been very attractive. Beautiful, even. You look good like this, like always. I'm just shy having such a hot friend. I don't know what to say sometimes." 

"Ah, you always know what to say. Flattery will get you a lot, Jongin, if you tried to get some."

"I don't need to _get some_ ," Jongin says while cringing.

Taeyong clings onto Jongin's side as they walk up the path to the house. Flashing lights reflect out the window, and the bass of music blares. Voices overlap each other once they get inside. Jongin is thankful that it's always Jaehyun who throws the parties, that rich mother fucker. Without him, nobody would have a decent sized lot to do this at. Plus, he has the best servings of drinks and food.

"Oh, Johnny's on the records today," Taeyong says while pointing at their DJ friend at the second floor staircase.

"Really, I prefer Chanyeol's mixes," Jongin responds.

"Talent is talent, my friend," Taeyong chides.

Jongin agrees because he does have a point there, and because he is undeniably whipped. 

"Hey, I'm going to look for Doyoung because I have to ask him about something for bio. I'll find you later?" 

Jongin doesn't want to depart with him so soon, but he nods in agreement and adds, "I'll get myself a drink then. Call me if anything?"

"I promise!"

Taeyong waves avidly and disappears into the crowd. Jongin stands in the center of the room, contemplating whether he should dip into one of the bedrooms or get a breather outside. For some time now, parties haven't been his scene. It could be the way Taeyong clings himself onto strangers, or the way strangers cling onto Jongin. He isn't too fond. He is only here because Taeyong needed a break, and because Jaehyun said if they come, he's free to use his hot tub whenever he wants. Jongin doesn't understand why the latter was a temptation.

Jongin finds himself a drink in the kitchen, which to his surprise is not as congested. A few people talk amongst themselves or nod their heads to the music. Jongin finds a good spot in the corner with a single chair and a side table. This is the very same chair Jongin caught Taeyong on, grinding on that guy from stats, but he ignores that and sinks into it comfortably.

After a few minutes of scrolling through his phone and sipping lightly, a bag of chips is thrown against his chest.

"Hey, you!" Jaehyun greets him with a shoulder punch. "Thanks for making it. The hot tub is all yours."

"Wait, why was I never allowed to use it before?"

"I dunno. I proposed and you agreed."

Jongin's face contorts dumbly, into a regretful realization. "So even if I asked, without this deal, you'd let me use it?"

"I let anyone use the hot tub or pool as long as they bring food."

"Jaehyun!" Jongin barks. He slouches into his seat and whines, "What the hell."

"Come on, get up and have a good time before you regret it some more!"

" _Nooo…_ "

Jaehyun tugs him up until he's on his feet. Jongin adjusts his tucked-in shirt and gives Jaehyun a lousy scowl.

"You look great. Have you always had a fat ass?"

"It's just the slacks. I've only been told when wearing these. By that I mean, only Taeyong thinks my butt looks good in formal pants."

"Speaking of Taeyong, he's such a light one."

Jongin's attention grows more alert at that. "Is he okay?"

"Nothing happened, don't worry. But by the looks of it tonight, he'll be gone by midnight."

"I should go check on him."

"Nah, instead, there's this guy over there checking you out. Go for it. He's a friend, of a friend, of a friend — I think one more of a friend."

"I'm not up for it," Jongin warns.

"Okay but don't sit here so glum. Play darts or billiards in the basement. Break out on the dance floor like you do. I don’t like my guests to be miserable.”

Jongin thinks about it. All of it sounds more fun than sitting in the corner of a kitchen reading reddits on how to build legos faster. 

“Alright, alright but imma check on Taeyong then have another drink.” 

“That’s the spirit. Let him be. I think he’s into somebody right now though.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, do you know Baekhyun?”

“No, not that guy,” Jongin groans. "The loud singer?"

“Mhm, that guy with talented vocals and sexy eyebrow raise."

"Isn't he a dick?"

"Flirty, but not a dick. All his past exes are in good standing with him as of now. Like the guy who's checking you out. Just saying, man," he says knowingly.

Jaehyun gives him a knowing look, which escalates to a strange staring contest between the two. Eventually, Jongin breaks first, blinking rapidly and uncrossing his arms.

"Don't act like you know me like that."

"Like what?" Jaehyun taunts with a smirk. 

"You know."

"I don't, clearly, you said something first."

Jongin lets out a whine and slumps into his chair. Not long after, Jaehyun kneels beside him and drops a hand on his knee. His face has something like sympathy written all over it. 

"I'm just trying to make you forget a bit. Sehun is very sweet at first, then feisty after he gets comfortable. I've never seen that side yet, but apparently, he doesn't have any walls to break down. He got out of something a few weeks ago with some older, sleazy guy. I'd go for it but he's not my type. He's the same age as you, and is on his last year, only looking for some fun. It doesn't have to be serious."

"Am I that obvious?" Jongin sighs embarrassedly.

"I think I'm the only one who's caught on. Being Taeyong's other good friend and all. I don't think the others in our group know, though."

"Have fun, take up the spare room, if not that, my yoga mat is really comfortable in my gym room."

Jaehyun gives him a pat on the back then a thumbs up. He nudges his chin in the direction behind Jongin then leaves.

When Jongin turns around, he catches sight of a tall raven haired stranger in a pink button up and grey slacks. That must be him. They make eye contact for half a second before the guy looks away shyly. 

Jongin walks up to him and introduces himself. There's an instant attraction. Sehun is more handsome in person with a chiseled facial structure and perfect eyebrows that make him look so intimidating. They bond with the same hobbies and past professors. Jongin keeps looking for the abrupt laughter, but only receives a high pitched sequel. He keeps expecting a mouthy, silly reply but gets a flirty comment in response. Sehun's hand pulls Jongin towards the dance floor, but it isn't Taeyong's touch.

"I think I know why you look so familiar now."

"Where do you know me from?" Jongin asks curiously.

Sehun closes their distance and drapes his arms over his shoulders. "You directed a dance recital last year, didn't you?"

"I did. Were you a part of it?"

"I was."

They sway together, getting closer and closer. Jongin looks around the room as he holds Sehun loosely. He spots Lucas shaking his ass in the center of the room and finds Mark Lee going wild after succeeding a shotgun. His eye twitches when Taeyong's lips are attached to Baekhyun's neck. Sehun winces and Jongin pulls away suddenly.

"What happened?" Jongin asked in concern.

"Nothing, you just pinched me."

"Oh, shit. Sorry."

Sehun shakes his head. "It's okay. Are you alright?"

Jongin doesn't like lying. It wouldn't matter if he lied to Sehun because he's a complete stranger. And yet, nothing comes out of his mouth because he doesn't like lying.

Sehun ends up turning around probably because he realizes Jongin won't answer.

"Oh."

"Nothing," Jongin comments and looks away from the scene unraveling before him. 

"Is that your friend? He's in good hands. Baekhyun's a really good guy. I would know."

"It's not that." It's out before Jongin knows it. He's pathetic for being so open to a complete stranger.

Sehun takes his hand and _accidentally_ shoves past Taeyong. Jongin acts like that didn't just happen. If Sehun was trying to comfort him, it didn't work because it only shoved Taeyong harder against Baekhyun. He guides them out through the house and he uselessly follows. 

They find a spot under the purbalo with hanging light. Sehun pats a spot on the patio seat just for him then crosses his legs comfortable. Jongin doesn't like where this is going, but being outside like this feels pretty good.

"Tell me, I wanna know," Sehun says chirpily, different from his smooth voice from the last thirty minutes. 

"What do you mean?"

Sehun turns to him and gives him an unreadable expression. He caresses his hand for a short moment before dropping it. 

"That look. I've been there before, and there's no getting over it. I can't distract you even if I tried. You really like that guy."

"Jaehyun told me I wasn't obvious!"

"No, no. Maybe he's right. I know this because I've been through it before."

"I'm not ready to have a heart to heart with a stranger. Especially with one that I might've hooked up with."

"Let's ignore that part. I want to help."

Jongin shakes his head. "No thanks. Seriously, no thank you."

"Believe it or not, I don't have many friends. When I saw you, I was interested for the night. But I pity your expression towards that guy. I don't want to butt in, but this heartbreak will catch up on you one day."

"And how do you know so?"

"I said I've been through it before, haven't I?"

Jongin stares at the massive house. What is the likeness that he's just minding his own business, then somebody is telling him he has felt the exact way? He finds himself giving in because what better is there to do? He was never in the mood to be surrounded by anyone with alcohol breath, at least Sehun's smells minty fresh. Call him his fate for the night. Whatever goes on, Jongin reminds himself that this is Jaehyun's house and there are a handful of friends inside. Taeyong is safe here.

"So…"

"I'm going to buckle up. It's a long story, right?"

Jongin nods then gets comfortable in his seat. 

It started off with a first year student bumping into him, looking for the dance class. Jongin had been just as confused because this was his first time being on campus as well. Taeyong was flabbergasted when Jongin told him so. Over the course of high school, Jongin became infatuated with pretty much everything Taeyong did in dance class, and out. It wasn't until they both started their dating phase at sixteen, did Jongin realize he was missing Taeyong often. He was looking for Taeyong in everyone he talked to. Jongin wanted Taeyong when he was with anyone else.

"Feelings like that just grow. When people say they come and go, sometimes that is not true," Sehun tells him softly.

"Thanks," Jongin mutters bitterly.

"No, what I am saying is that you'll probably get the guy in the end. You two have great history."

"I don't think it works like that," Jongin tells. "I fell for him because of everything he was and everything we became. I don't think he's ever thought of me like that for a second in his life."

"Maybe not, but you can always win him over."

"Okay, loverboy. Tell me about yourself with Byun."

Sehun raises his head off Jongin's shoulder. "Excuse me? How do you know?"

"Let me guess… you confessed, he didn't feel the same but told you it will work out. You had doubts because you felt like he wasn't putting in as much as you. You're the one who broke up with him. Now you're still in love pining."

"Shut up, you don't know me," Sehun rasps with a whine. "Gosh, now this makes me obvious. Jongin, we're going to be best friends and I am going to help you win over Taeyong without a doubt."

Before Jongin can admit to having it Sehun's way, his phone rings with Taeyong's tone and he answers immediately. Taeyong's voice is a little hoarse and his speech is slurred. It only means that he's ready to head home. 

Sehun seems to hear because he pulls away from Jongin and stretches his hands over his head.

"Hey, do you need a ride home?" Jongin asks politely.

"Oh, I would love to meet the man you're pining over!"

"Second thought—"

"I'll just introduce myself and sit in the back seat. Keep quiet."

Jongin navigates through the crowd of sweaty bodies with Sehun in tow. There's definitely less people now, but it's messier than ever with people on drunker levels. He spots Taeyong leaning against Jaehyun by the garage. He jogs over to him and brings Taeyong into his chest, groaning when Taeyong forces his entire weight onto him.

"Thanks, Jaehyun, we'll be off," Jongin mentions while struggling to support Taeyong.

"Oh, I see you've met Sehun."

Sehun greets him casually then opens the door for Jongin before saying goodbye to Jaehyun for all of them. Jongin knows he has some explaining to do eventually.

"So do you two live together?" Sehun asks.

"Oh, no. Fortunately. But we live in the same building."

"Good, and hey instead, can I spend the night in the living room or something?"

Jongin drops Taeyong into the backseat instead, fastening him securely. He tries not to let his eyes linger for too long because he's got Sehun waiting in the front seat. It's also totally creepy with the way Jongin is just a friend to Taeyong and he's passed the fuck out. He doesn't deserve to admire Taeyong's complexion like he's his lover.

"You're lucky we have mutual friends, otherwise I'd decline the request," Jongin answers finally.

"Wow, say it that way, when I've been nothing but nice. You haven't even thanked me."

"Maybe if him and I ever end up together, that's when I'll thank you," Jongin says in a hushed voice as he glances in his rearview mirror.

Jongin pokes Taeyong's cheek a few times in an attempt to wake him up. Sehun complains beside him, telling him that is not the way to go. He ends up pulling Taeyong out of the car and bridal style carrying him into the building. Jongin comes to the conclusion that he does not like the sight, even if Sehun has pure intentions. He brings Taeyong into his arms instead and demands Sehun to get the elevator going to Taeyong's floor. 

"Nini?"

"Hey, hey. Look, we're at your door."

"Is Mark here?" Taeyong asks drowsily.

Jongin shakes his head and answers, "No. Was I supposed to take him home too?"

"No, but stay here. Don't want to be by myself."

Jongin picks his pocket to get his set of keys, looking for Taeyong's spare. Taeyong manages to shove his way through the entry way as soon as Jongin opens it. He turns on the light for them and just when he's about to close the door, he remembers that Sehun is standing here. 

"Come in."

"Sure?"

"Let me get him settled in then we'll see what's up."

Jongin excuses himself to get Taeyong into his bedroom. When he flops onto the mattress, he brings his knees to his chest and chucks his shoes against the wall. He shimmies off his pants while laying in bed and Jongin helps him tug at the ankle ends. 

"Good?"

"Yeah."

Jongin prepares a pain reliever tablet and a glass of water on his nightstand, then charges his phone.

"I'm going to go, Taeyong."

"No, you said Mark's not home."

"I'll leave the light on, is that fine?"

Taeyong nods lazily against his pillow. 

Jongin turns on the dim desk light in his room, then makes sure Taeyong is surrounded with enough pillows and his plushies for his comfort. He hears faint snores and realizes that's his queue to leave. After he closes the door gently, he spots Sehun entertained with the photos on the wall.

"There's a lot of you two on here. You have a really good chance with him."

"He sees me as his best friend, it's nothing."

"If you say so. But come on, I wanna see your photos of him."

Jongin won't deny that there's dozens of polaroids and photo booth photos of Taeyong throughout the entire house. Many things in his home are Taeyong's because they used to live together until a year ago, Jongin found himself being more uncomfortable being with Taeyong 24/7. It just so happened, Taeyong thought it would be best to take in the younger classmen, Mark from his family circle. Jongin was happy and hurt all at once, when Taeyong told him he'd move out. 

Jongin and Sehun step into the elevator. Jongin didn't realize how exhausted he was until now. He hopes he doesn't have to entertain his guest, and they'll just go back to sleep. 

Sehun strikes the conversation when they step foot in his apartment, "So, that was unsuccessful. I wanted to get to know how he woos you."

"He'll probably stop by tomorrow, if he isn't feeling so hungover."

"Did you see him? The guy is wasted."

"Yeah, but he's good at getting up after nights like these."

Like Jongin predicted, Sehun gets mouthy. He makes fun of Jongin's photos with Taeyong like he has known Jongin forever. He jokes about his awful hair colors, purple being the worst, and tells him he looks sexy in one of he and Taeyong's mirror photos in dance class. Jongin comes around, thinking that Sehun will make a good place in his life somehow.

  
  


The door swings open harshly, shaking Jongin out of his sleep. He hisses from the sudden bright light he's met with, well aware that he closed the blinds last night.

"Jongin! Jongin. There is a stranger in your living room," Taeyong whisper-hisses while jumping on the bed.

“Mhm, it’s just Sehun.”

The bouncing stops and there’s a flat tone when Taeyong comments, “Who’s Sehun?”

“Some guy from last night,” jongin mumbles and brings his blanket over his cheeks. “Taeyong, it’s so early.”

“Early? It’s afternoon. But hm, I get it. You must be so tired from last night. Why’s he not in your bed? Was he awful or something?”

Jongin peeks one eye open and stares at Taeyong who’s on his lap interrogating him. He tries not to let it affect him, instead, he squirms and whines playfully. 

“Tell me, Jongin. Should I leave?” He asks in a suggestive voice. 

“Yeah. You’re harassing my eardrums,” Jongin whimpers. He removes his hands from beneath his blankets then cups Taeyong’s cheeks with his palms. “Shhh.”

Taeyong laces their fingers together and leans forward, dropping his forehead onto Jongin’s. 

“Tell me!” 

“No,” Jongin responds. 

“Please?”

“There’s nothing to tell.”

The door shuts all of a sudden, halting the two in place. Jongin looks over Taeyong’s shoulder, confirming that his bedroom door is shut. Taeyong scrabbles off him and gasps into his hands. 

“Shit, I’m so sorry!”

“No, no big deal. Just…”

Jongin leaves his bedroom and finds the blankets neatly folded on the couch. The living room has no trace of anyone ever being here, not even Sehun’s shoes by the door where he left them last night. 

“Jongin, I’m sorry I scared him away.”

“It’s nothing.”

There’s silence as Jongin puts a shirt on. He feels Taeyong following him as he leaves his bedroom and goes into the bathroom. The reflection of Taeyong in his mirror confirms it all. As Jongin begins to brush his teeth, Taeyong puts the toilet seat down and looks anywhere but at Jongin. Jongin can clearly see that. 

“Sure it’s nothing?” Taeyong says quietly after he spits. 

Jongin rinses, wishes the conversation would end, the way water swirls down the drain and never resurfaces. 

“Nothing happened so there’s nothing to misunderstand. Really.” 

“You could tell me anything. Don’t you know that?”

“I do. And I’m telling you I didn’t sleep with him. I don’t like him.” 

“Well, you should make a move on him. I don’t want you to just… be so alone. He'd be lucky if you two get into something,” Taeyong says, finally getting up. He lingers by the door frame as he asks, “Can I make you some breakfast?

Lucky would be Jongin getting a chance with Taeyong. 

  
  


Jongin allows Jaehyun to choose the next record after all of his constant bickering.

"How long are you going to be here again?" Jongin says lazily while he polishes the display shelves.

"Until I get some dirt on you and someone."

"It's not the story you want to hear."

Jaehyun leans over the counter then plants his chin into his palms. "Damn, I'm all ears."

"It's seriously not like that."

Jongin is finding himself growing frustrated at his invasive friends who keep trying to read Sehun and Jongin's relationship all because of some little signs here and there. There is nothing beneath the surface beside them being friends. It was kind of a miracle relationship, but he's not going to tell everyone that they bond over heartbreak.

"Jongin! Jaehyun!" 

They look over and spot Taeyong skipping into the store with a big bag. He wears a bright smile as bright as his sweater. He plops the bag right onto the newly polished counter. Jongin licks his lips in delight from the aroma seeping from the take out tray.

"Hey, sorry. I don't think I brought enough food for three, but Jaehyun you're welcomed to have some. I'll grab a bite elsewhere later."

Jaehyun shakes his head. "Nah, I'm good. I was just talking to him over here about someone."

Taeyong gives Jongin a pointed look. "Who? Is it Sehun?"

"You know about them?" Jaehyun asks in surprise.

"Ah, he scurried out the house in terror after finding me and Jongin in our usual compromising position."

Jaehyun raises an eyebrow. 

Jongin clears his throat loud and obnoxious. He starts taking contents out of the bag normally, as if he isn't being teased by his two friends. Taeyong usually brings lunch once a week for him, if he can, and Jongin is glad to have a sushi burrito today.

"Thank you, Taeyong," Jongin comments warmly as he closes it and waits for his other coworker to return from their break. 

"So…" Jaehyun whistles playfully.

"It was nothing."

“Really? He said you two have seriously have a really, really good connection.”

“Maybe," he says, just to shut Jaehyun up. "Anyway, I forgot but do you have his phone number?"

"Nothing stands for something, I get it," Jaehyun says with a chuckle.

Taeyong laughs with him. "Yeah, why do you need his number if it's nothing?"

"Just to thank him for last night— _wait_ , shit."

"Oh," Taeyong emits. 

Jaehyun shrieks while banging his hand onto the counter, shaking the business cards and his lunch. He says in between laughs, "That's all I needed to know. I follow him on twitter. Talk to him through there. Good luck! I guess I'll get out of both your hairs, have a good lunch."

"Wait, Jaehyun." Jongin grabs the paper bag with the vinyl Jaehyun bought from today. "You almost forgot your purchase. You know, we don't do refunds for missing items."

“Fuck, thanks. And by the way, you're one step closer to getting over him."

Jongin crosses his arms and stares intently into Jaehyun's eyes. "I'm not trying to."

“It’s not a bad thing if you do.”

Jaehyun winks, then crosses the street before Jongin could argue further.

Taeyong is still waiting by the main counter when Jongin gets back in. Someone winces behind him, realizing he must've closed the door on a customer but when he turns around, it's just his shift partner Taemin.

"Good thing there were no other customers that time otherwise this would've been a disturbance," Jongin plays off.

Taeyong picks up Jongin’s lunch and starts walking out, as he usually does when it’s time for Jongin’s lunch. He clocks out and meets taeyong under a patio umbrella a few feet away from the vinyl shop. 

“Thanks for lunch, Tyong,” Jongin says with a warm smile. “I’ve never—“

“I need to tell you something.”

Jongin removes his hands from the bag and sits upright. Taeyong’s abruptness startles him, because Taeyong is usually not that serious. His expressions are usually gentle, and in weird ways, somehow _loving_ , when it comes to Jongin. 

“I did meet someone last night.”

“Sweet.” Jongin’s jaw tightens. 

“It was a weird tipsy mess. I didn’t even know we exchanged numbers. We’re going on a date this week.” 

This is what Jongin didn’t expect, but he’s always been prepared. Everyday of his life, he thinks, Taeyong deserves love. It’ll happen one day. It’s happened many times. Jongin is always prepared. Time after time, he is always ready to hear that Taeyong will be giving a part of him to someone else. 

“That’s great, Taeyong,” Jongin says enthusiastically while forcing a smile. 

“It might even be serious this time. I feel it. It’ll last longer than my last. I know so.”

Jongin nods. “It’s been a few months since him, huh?” 

“Yeah, so I think I’m ready.”

As long as Taeyong is ready, Jongin is ready for him as well. 

  
  


Taeyong becomes busy within a matter of weeks since his first date with Baekhyun. 

There is the way he stops making plans with Jongin. He cancels the ones set from a while back. He rain checked their monthly _downtown and street food_ walks. He leaves Jongin on read until it’s late, late night and all they can say is _goodnight, next time?_ He does not answer calls in time and doesn’t respond to Jongin’s playful voicemails. 

Jongin knows something is wrong, then again it’s absolutely nothing. 

They don’t struggle with communication. Taeyong is very open to let him know when things are getting rocky. Jongin confesses what he can but avoids anything that’ll stress Taeyong out. That’s where they’re different. Jongin carries Taeyong’s burdens, but he forces himself to be fine. It’s not just his feelings he hides from Taeyong. So, the only reason why Taeyong isn’t talking to him is because of Baekhyun. Otherwise, he would tell him anything and everything. 

Because of the distance, Jongin discovers how in deep he really is. He misses Taeyong terribly. Even a face call would do, but he isn’t answering, ever. 

Jongin doesn’t think it’s appropriate to visit Taeyong at the cafe. He is afraid to see his confusion, or rejection. He avoids bumping into Taeyong in the apartment building, knowing what hours to avoid the lobby and elevator. 

  
  


“Dude, you can’t make me,” Jongin sputters when Sehun slips him a bill. “Save your money. I’m not down. The last time I accepted bribery… I mean. I regret it, but I guess I don’t either.”

“Why, what happened?”

“For one, that’s when my crush met your ex. And now they’re fucking. At least I think so?”

“Oh…” Sehun says whine looking down. “And two?”

Jongin puts on his one sided charming smirk, then says, “I would’ve never met you.” 

A shadow hovers over their table, causing Sehun’s mouth to shut and look up. Jongin reads Sehun before looking in the same direction. 

“Look who we have here.”

“Taeyong.”

“Hey, I’m Taeyong. And you?”

“This is—“

Taeyong doesn’t let him finish, but stares him down while he says, “I asked him.”

“I’m Sehun. Would you like to sit with us?”

“Oh, I don’t want to bother.”

Sehun shakes his head quickly. “By all means, sit. I always wanted to meet you. Jongin tells me so much about you. His best friend.”

“Really? Never heard of you before,” Taeyong says playfully than with an attitude.

Jongin tenses up. “Taeyong. Come on. You’ve been busy. We haven’t had time to catch up.”

“Oh, you’ve noticed.”

“I always notice when you go quiet. Come on. Are you alright?” 

Taeyong refuses the chair that Jongin tries to pull out for him. Despite the scowl, he’s glowing. Jongin is struck with his beauty because he hasn’t seen it in what feels like decades. Distance does nothing but make his heart grow fonder. He’s so fucking in love. 

“I’m sorry for lashing out. We’ll talk later?” 

Jongin nods in response. 

Taeyong leans down and whispers to him, “I didn’t know you’re fucking my boyfriend’s ex.”

“I’m not,” Jongin says sharply. 

“You’re not backing down, are you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Dense as ever. That’s you.” 

Taeyong walks away, leaving Jongin dumbstruck. Sehun kicks his ankle from beneath the table, the only thing reminding Jongin that this isn’t some silly dream. 

“He’s jealous, Jongin. Ha, he’s so jealous of me and you.”

Jongin shakes his head frantically and stares up to the sky, squinting his eyes shut because of sunlight. 

“No, he’s not. You don’t know him. He does not like me,” Jongin argues. “It’s really exhausting when you think this and force me to believe with you. I know you have hope because you got it. But that doesn’t happen to everyone. He has dated, and dated for as long as I can remember. I am not someone he would date. I’ve seen his type. I’ve met his type more times than I can count on my fingers.”

Sehun groans, “You don’t know unless you try. You have to try.”

“How am I versus Baekhyun?” 

Sehun’s fight comes to a halt, mouth shutting, eyes looking anywhere but at him. 

“Yeah, so stop seeing yourself in me. We’re not the same. Our stories are similar but nobody has the same ending. You can’t promise me that Taeyong will _try_ with me.”

  
  


Taeyong comes knocking on his door a few days later. Normally, he would let himself in after a few knocks, but this time it's as if he'd feel like an intruder if he were to come in without Jongin's permission.

Jongin has no choice but to get off his comfortable couch and let him in. He prepares himself for the storm that's to come, being whatever Taeyong wants to yell at him about. It's not often that he's passive aggressive towards Jongin without telling him what's bothering him. Jongin is so screwed if Taeyong is going to say one more vague thing to him. 

What Jongin is met with when the door opens is not a petty looking Taeyong, but a fragile Taeyong with puffy eyes, on the verge of fresh tears. Jongin is used to this look but he can't say it gets any easier to bear when he witnesses it.

"Come on," he says with his caving in voice.

Jongin shuts the door as quickly as possible so he could be by Taeyong's side right away. Taeyong collapses into his arms and pulls at the blanket draped over the couch. Jongin helps him wrap the blanket around his body and pulls him into his chest.

"Another guy wants to meet my knuckles, huh?"

"It was just a disagreement."

This excuse is nothing new. Taeyong has been stood up, cheated on, manipulated, broken up with. He's been through everything. Jongin has his fair share of stories in standing up for Taeyong. But something about him knowing this is Baekhyun makes him feel more bothered than usual. It’s probably from the bond he’s created with Sehun and how Sehun still feels for him. Baekhyun has hurt someone important to Jongin, and he’s done it again. 

“You shouldn’t make it seem small if it wasn’t,” Jongin announces. “What did he do?”

“I’m just not ready for some commitments he wants. He thought it meant I didn’t want to see him anymore.”

“Break up with him then.”

Taeyong raises his head off Jongin’s chest and scoots away from him. “Since when did you give me irrational advice? Aren’t you going to help me through this?”

“I mean, if it’s not working it isn’t.”

“What are you implying here?” Taeyong pulls the blanket off himself like he knows he’s in for a heated discussion. "Don't think I haven't noticed the way you've been shutting me out."

"That's silly."

"Why?"

Jongin scoffs, "You've been doing the same."

"I tell you everything I can. I let you know everything about myself. You never tell me anything. How do you think I feel? Having a best friend who never tells me anything? My love life is a big, big piece of my entire life. It connects to my future. I tell you about it whenever I can. Why can't you do the same?"

"I just can't." It hurts for Jongin to admit it but even best friends have one secret they keep from each other. Sometimes it’s for the best if it means well in the long run. 

"I know, you never told me about Sehun."

"We have nothing going on," Jongin repeats. His head will detach from his body if he’ll have to say this one more time to somebody. 

“No. Tell me everything. Some guy shows up all of a sudden. Stays over the night when I told you to stay with me instead — don’t think I forgot about that. Then I start seeing you and him everywhere while I’m trying to be mad at you? That’s not nothing.”

“Sehun knows things about me that nobody does. I never told anyone before and I don’t plan on it. That’s it.”

"You're doing it again. Why won't you be honest with me? It’s him, right? Tell me who makes you smile like that, Jongin! No one is this happy unless they're completely in love or have a stable living, a good job and a nice house. You're not exactly there for the latter, are you? Someone is making my best friend happy, and he won't tell me about it, no matter how much he knows I value true love."

"Fine, you're absolutely right. I am not telling you."

Taeyong strikes up from his spot and throws the blanket directly at Jongin’s face. "Thanks Jongin! This makes me feel better, but obviously, I'm really hurt that you've been keeping things from me, and even lying sometimes."

"Taeyong… it's harder than you think." Jongin stands up this time, raising his hands in defense.

"We've known each other for eight years. When did it occur to you that we can't tell each other everything?"

Jongin is going to say it, I sn’t he. It hurts to think that he is the one hurting Taeyong. He never wants Taeyong hurt. Now that he’s standing face to face with him, being the reason behind his distress, he’s so close to confessing if it means Taeyong will understand why he does these things. 

"Ever since I started falling for you, Taeyong,” Jongin says carefully. 

"Wait, Jongin—"

"I knew there was a shift in our relationship when I started getting jealous of you being with other guys when we were just teenagers. It developed into something more when we moved together and spent every waking moment together. I realized I would do anything for you. When you left, I knew that I needed you in my life and would do anything to keep you."

Taeyong looks away from him and it hurts more than anything. "Jongin, this isn't right. You can't."

"I can't?" Jongin rebukes in astonishment. "You're the one who told me I deserve a chance at love."

"But not from me. Not from me, Jongin. I am with Baekhyun."

Jongin’s entire world turns slow. Maybe it feels like it’s stopping. He knows. He always knew Taeyong would never choose him. Hearing it out loud sends a different pain and chill throughout his body. It rattles his heart and pricks the corner of his eyes. His throat aches, it’s constricted and feels hard to swallow.

"And if you weren't?" he asks while trying to compose his voice, but he’s failing. 

"I never thought of you like that,” Taeyong responds quickly. His eyes meet the door and before he knows it, he’s scurrying towards it. “I have to go."

Numb and apathetic, Jongin still wants to get his words across, "I told you it's more complicated than you thought. I never wanted to tell you because you'd run away like this. Look what you're doing, running away because you thought I was being an unfair friend. I was only trying to keep what we had. So, fine. Leave then."

“Take care, Jongin.”

By the sound of it, Taeyong is ending them. 

"Well, I saw Baekhyun in the parking lot. Boy, was that awkward," Sehun whistles. When the laughter isn’t shared, Sehun looks at Jongin for the first time since stepping foot through the door. "Jongin?"

Jongin’s voice finally cracks, "I told him Sehun. I told him and he doesn't feel the same way. So what now?"

"You're kidding." When Jongin doesn't respond and just stares at him with empty eyes, Sehun gasps, "I'm so sorry."

"You and I, we're never going to be the same. I told you.” 

For the first time, Jongin let’s somebody else console him. He never collapsed in the arms of a friend. He never had somebody else hold him and run their fingers through his hair. He doesn’t cry but his body feels weak and he loses his interest in everything around him for the entire night. He accepts comfort for a little while. 

  
  


Jongin's days feel endless. Time passes by slowly. Minutes feel like hours, and hours feel like weeks. Every week feels heavy like there's too much to carry. He wakes up and refuses to open his blinds and let the light in. He works at the shop, trying to get his boss to allow him to take on more hours since it's not like he has somebody to come home to. Nobody is asking to spend time with him. Eating is forced just to make sure he's getting the right amount of energy for dance class. It’s a good thing he only has two evening classes this entire semester, otherwise he would be self sabotaging his education. By nightfall, he comes home to a phone without notifications and lies in bed until he falls asleep.

The only person who checks up on him is Sehun. Taemin too, but he mostly asks if Jongin is alive enough to attend an earlier shift. All of Jongin's friends are Taeyong's friends. Their friends' bonds are closer with Taeyong. He's not surprised they would choose Taeyong over him. Then again, they wouldn't have to unless Taeyong said something to make them.

Jongin is hoping Taeyong is not that kind of friend. He hopes he keeps Jongin's crush to himself. He hopes he isn't laughing with their circle of friends, ridiculing Jongin for holding onto a six year crush. He hopes Taeyong will come around one day, and they'll be friends again.

The thing with Jongin is that he has always been prepared. When he would sit with Taeyong on the same couch and want to just kiss him, he knew it was something he'll get over eventually. He doesn't know how long it'll take to stop craving Taeyong's touch, but he's looking forward to that day. Jongin was always rational. He knew he will never be able to wake up in the same bed with Tayong in a different meaning. 

Though he was never prepared for this type of heat break. Losing a friend. He thought he would be the best man with a queasy stomach for Taeyong's wedding. Now he's sacrificed Tayong's graduation, the success of the cafe, and his love life all because he cracked under pressure trying to save his friendship.

Jongin always imagined how they would raise kids together, if not actually together. But that thought is shattered. Even the idea of greying and limping with Taeyong is snatched away from him, _from himself._

Maybe Jongin is thinking too ahead. Maybe they'll talk in a year. Jongin doubts that it will be entirely mended. They might never be the same.

Jongin pulls himself out of it by getting off the couch and turning on his stereo. The only thing getting him through his gloomy mood is dancing. While there are songs that remind him of Taeyong, and moves that he used to pull off to woo Taeyong, for the most part the music and his body piece him together. Makes him forget even if it's just for a little while.

It doesn't last long because within minutes of warming up, Jongin's music is interrupted by a call. He finds Sehun's contact photo on his screen and picks it up right away.

"I knew you'd answer my call if not my texts," Sehun comments chirpily.

"No one's blowing up my phone, so why not. What do you need?"

Sehun laughs. "Do you always drop things for your friends?"

"I might. Depends. Only for the ones I'm in love with. You're an exception, though."

"You're in love with me?"

"Shut up," Jongin scoffs. He plops onto his couch and gets comfortable, "Really, what's up?"

"Let's go to a bar, you mopey hopeless romantic."

Jongin sighs. He covers his face with his couch pillow and whines, "I don't wanna do that shit."

"Fine, a nice dinner and some champagne?"

"No…"

"I'm coming over. You will go to a club tonight. If you aren't dressed, I am dragging you out of your apartment and into your elevator, and I will shove you against Taeyong's apartment door until he has no choice but to open. And I will force you to make up with him."

Sehun hangs up before Jongin can refute. Going out could be refreshing but he's not into the scene. He was never into it and the party flashbacks with Taeyong choking on Baekhyun's tongue doesn't make it any better. The bar over the night club it is then, at least it's more laid back.

Sehun's hands are all over Jongin. He brushes strays out of his forehead and makes sure his collar is crip. He tucks in the pockets so the inner material doesn't poke out. Then rubs an oily lotion on his neck.

"I'm alright, Sehun," Jongin groans.

"No, you need to look presentable. I wanna make you bangable."

Jongin bites his lip and stares at his reflection. "I don't know about that."

In all honesty, Jongin hasn't really _saved_ himself for Taeyong, but he hasn't dated much because of him. No one compares. Just like the night he met Sehun, he can't find a romantic connection to anybody without thinking about Taeyong. The last time he had a long term relationship at twenty one, it ended up in shambles because he called the guy Taeyong way too many times.

"When's the last time you got with somebody?"

"I dunno, it was supposed to be you."

Sehun snorts, nearly spitting in Jongin's face. "Okay, before that?" 

"Shit, like six months ago or something. I don't know! Ow, watch it."

"Yeah, six months ago was the last time you tweezed your eyebrows."

Sehun spanks his ass when he exits the bathroom. It's playful and silly, but these banters with Sehun don't compare to Taeyong

"I said I wanted to lay low and go somewhere chill," Jongin protests in disappointment. 

"Well, I'm the driver. You can lay low when you go by yourself."

Jongin rolls his eyes "You'd let me? Get drunk by myself to drive home."

"Stop being dramatic. I know you won't drink a lot. Or you'd take a cab. You're not going to harm others even if you are in a shit mood."

Jongin forgets how well someone other than Taeyong knows him.

While the energy of parties doesn't hype Jongin as much as the other guys surrounding him, he can appreciate the music choice. Everyone's on their bump and grind as Sehun pulls them towards the drinks. Jongin doesn't hear what he orders, but it gets shoved into his chest and Sehun makes a toast, then they're both downing it. They take another, complain about how they shouldn't be doing this on empty stomachs, then do one more bottoms up until Sehun gets him into the center of the room.

"Dance with me, you owe me from last time."

Jongin nods, always up for dancing.

"Just don't pinch me this time."

The environment is getting to him. Seeing everyone lose themselves with each other seems to tug at something in Jongin. He wants to be one with the crowd. They're all smiling and giggling, kissing and touching, looking lust filled to the brim.

Jongin pulls Sehun close and drops his face into Sehun's neck as he whispers, "But are you into biting?"

"What the fuck, Jongin," Sehun shrieks and playfully shoves Jongin's chest. "Is the music tuning you on, or the drinks?"

"Everything. I mean look at them," Jongin answers while glancing at the couple rubbing their fronts together and shit. "Why'd you take me to this kind of club?"

"Are you interested in doing something? I can hook you up with someone. It won't take long."

"Do you know Jung Jaehyun? You two would make an obnoxious, cute couple."

"I told him he was a bad kisser. He said I give bad head. We have hard feelings."

"That fucking bitch," Jongin grumbles, reminsicing on the coneration that led Jongin to Sehun.

Sehun turns around, back facing Jongin as he leans against him, rutting his ass against Jongin's crotch. He caresses Jongin's sides as he says lowily, "I'm looking for someone who'll make eye contact with us. Play along."

Jongin plants his hands on Sehun's hips and trails them up his chest every now and then as he sways his hips. He buries his face into the crook of Sehun's neck and shoulder, ghosting his lips over the smooth skin. 

"If you actually kiss me, I'm cutting your dick off in your sleep," Sehun hisses under breath. It vibrates against Jongin's chest. "Hey, hey, I think I found someone."

Is Jongin really up for this? He supposes why not. If Taeyong can be dating left and right, and be sexually active, and have a new boyfriend, Jongin can go home with one person. Somebody who will make him forget for a little while.

"Jongin? Jongin, look. He's coming."

Sehun straightens up as the guy comes closer. Jongin finds him fairly attractive but his jaw is too sharp, his hair is too neat, and he dresses too mature. He's nothing like Taeyong. 

"Hey, I'm Dongdae."

"Oh, cute. This is my friend Jongin."

"And you?"

Sehun looks behind himself, to Jongin. They both share confused, but embarrassed expressions. Oh well, that was a bust. 

"Go on, I'm gonna have a seat," Jongin announces and leaves the pair without another word.

Jongin gets himself a fruity beverage to sip on rather than another shot. He swirls around in the seat and kicks his feet childishly. There's a creek coming from his side that makes him flinch. When he glances to the direction the sound came from, he's surprised to find someone already staring at him. 

The guy introduces himself with a shy voice. He sits poised and goes on about his office job. He seems too perfect. He is even dressed fancy and has well tamed hair. Almost too good to be true. Jongin almost can't believe it when he asks Jongin to come home with him. Sehun sees him on his way out and gives him a wink.

Jongin forgets his name. 

But he's too easy in bed. He says what Jongin wants to hear. He gets onto his hands and knees where Jongin can't see his face. Fingering him is a breeze, having already been stretched prior with an attempt to be in this very situation. Jongin rolls one on and groans at the feeling around his cock he's abandoned all those months ago. 

Jongin shoves him deeper into the mattress. He presses his palms into his hips, looking for a grip as he plows into him and swallows up the muffled moans. He feels them quiver beneath him, bringing him to the verge of his climax. He chases it with slowing thrusts. They cry out his name and he pulls out, pumping himself above them. Taeyong pops up in his head, and whatever high he has fades away.

It becomes a second nature. 

Jongin goes to other clubs in the vicinity. It’s a routine. He talks up an eager man, buys him a drink, then asks him if he wants to come home with him. Some have been in the backseat of his car, and a few in theirs. He visits other dance classes and meets the girls from those sessions and takes them on a date then brings them home that same night if they’re willing. He makes sure he keeps the bed to himself by the end of it all. 

There’s a thrill to hit on people, makes him feel wanted. He satisfies them and they cling onto him and tell him he’s so good. They tell him they can’t get enough of him, that he was entirely worth it. That’s all he’s ever wanted. To be wanted. It’s not by the person he truly wants, but it’s enough to sate him and make it feel as if he isn’t all that useless. 

  
  


It's a wonderful day to hang out. Taeyong and Jongin would lay a blanket on the grass at the nearby park. They would ask Lucas to walk their dog together. Out on the balcony, they'd turn on some music and stick their hands over the railing with glasses of wine. 

Today it's the riverwalk, Jongin's choice. Without Taeyong. 

Like Jaehyun once said, Sehun acts like he's shy but he's actually rambunctious with a side of hostility. Jongin wouldn't want anyone else to be his _new_ best friend. He puts Jongin in place, scolding him when he's too zoned out. He makes sure Jongin is eating enough before and after class. He doesn't bring lunch like Taeyong did, but he asks him if he wants any company during dinner and that's enough. He is talkative, and petty, and needy. Jongin loves his company for the different attitude he always gives off.

 _Right_ , Sehun is unpredictable. 

Even now as they walk together and spot Taeyong and Baekhyun enjoying their day the same way, begging Jongin to hide behind a pole and eavesdrop on them.

"What are they doing now?" Sehun pesterns, shaking Jongin's shoulder.

"They're just sharing a milk tea, Sehun!"

"What flavor? Me and Baekhyun used to share royal."

Jongin gives him a gentle look, pulling down his sunglasses to get a better look at Sehun's face, spotting a pout that indicates his troubles.

"Hey, we shouldn't be spying on them like this."

"What, are you hurt or something?" Sehun jibes, elbowing his side.

"My ex-best friend with someone new is the least of my problems. But you, have you gotten over that?"

"I don't know…"

Jongin turns Sehun the other way, preventing him fmr staring at the couple any longer. He guides them in a new direction, despite Sehun wanting to continue on this path. He's pretty sure Sehun only wanted to be here for the sake of keeping his eyes on Baekhyun.

"Wanna get some ice cream?" Jongin asks.

"I'm not a baby."

Jongin pinches Sehun's cheeks and mutters, "Oh but you are." He pulls away as if he's been burned because he only does that to Taeyong.

  
  


There's new speakers installed, making the work day feel like a walk in the park. More people visit more than before, given that they also have a brand new inventory and marketing tactic. But around this time, it's silent. The first customer within this hour visits and Jongin puts on his bright smile ready to help.

"Woah, why are you so eager for?" Taemin asks with a chuckle while he organizes the new stock in alphabetical order. 

"Probably going to be our last customer so end it with a bang, right?"

"Nice call. Don't forget to tell him about our new renting subscription program!"

Jongin finds the customer in the jazz section and greets them, "Welcome to Exodeux Records, are you looking for anything in particular?" 

"Hey, I'm actually looking for a gift for my boyfriend."

The customer glances up, welcoming Jongin's help. When Jongin meets his eyes, he realizes that it's Byun Baekhyun. He covers up his shock by clearing his throat then urges him to follow him to the front counter.

"I have the whole inventory online, what's he into?"

"I honestly don't know. I just notice that he collects them. I mean, they're on his walls."

Jongin wants to scoff but that would be mildly unprofessional. Those vinyls in Taeyong's bedroom are from this very shop. They are all of Jongin's favorites that Taeyong bought just to give his bedroom a touch of Jongin since he was having a hard time being separated. He wants to recommend Baekhyun only the best because Taeyong deserves a nice gift, but this means _helping_ Baekhyun.

"Um, well… there's this one low profile r&b vinyl that is getting some attention right now. Do you know Rini?"

"Nope, never heard of him."

"Feeling lucky to make this purchase?"

"Shit, why not. Thanks man."

Jongin checks out his order and gives him a coupon. He _forgets_ to tell him about the promo like Taemin said - or maybe not. He doesn't want Baekhyun to step foot in here again.

"Why is he everywhere," Jongin whimpers to himself.

"Oh, that's Taeyong's boyfriend! I knew he looked familiar. Wait, isn't he the guy who brings you lunch sometimes?"

Jongin realizes Taeyong never told Baekhyun about him. The photos of Jongin in his home must be gone. There's a photo in a sparkly keychain, the two of them with shaggy hair and acne chins. Baekhyun has seen none of them because he doesn't recognize Jongin. Taeyong doesn't care enough to tell Baekhyun about him. That's that.

All Taeyong and Jongin do is listen to Rini. If Taeyong thinks hard enough when receiving this vinyl, he'll know Jongin left a message.

  
  


Jongin gets off class and meets Sehun at his recital on a random Friday night. He gets a special front row seat reserved just for him because Sehun claimed, _you’re my only best friend therefore sure, the seat is all yours_. 

While Jongin and Sehun have become close, they don’t talk about too many personal things. Jongin thinks he still doesn’t know him well. But he knows he loves dancing as much as him. 

The entire recital is entertaining with many beautiful bodies moving effortlessly to the music. He stands on his toes when he realizes it’s Sehun’s song and begins clapping animatedly. He gives Sehun all the attention he deserves, reminding himself of the way he’s been missing out on a special someone attending his projects. 

They meet in the front of the theater where Jongin hands him a bouquet. “Hey, you did great. Look what I got you.”

“Oh, they’re so pretty. Gee, thanks for everything.” 

Someone taps on Jongin’s shoulder, pulling his attention away from Sehun. 

“Yeah? Hey”

“Kai, you never called back. It’s been a few days.”

Jongin furrows his eyebrows. “Do I know you?” 

Sehun leans against him. “You’ve got the wrong guy.” 

“No, you’re Kai. We had a good time.”

“Sorry? I’m Jongin. Must be my twin?”

She gives him a little shaky smile before apologizing then excusing herself. 

The awkwardness doesn’t end there because Sehun pulls his elbow, walking them off the campus. 

“What was that?”

“You know what that was,” Jongin says while shrugging then continuing to walk to the car. 

Sehun tsks. “You should stop, Jongin.”

Jongin comes to a halt and raises his hands in defense. “Stopping.”

“You know what I mean. I don’t think it's healthy. It’s never been healthy. I told you to stop a few weeks ago. I thought you did.”

Jongin puts a hand on the back of Sehun’s nape and pulls him close. "What happened the last time I listened to you?"

"Jongin."

"No offense, but I won't let you but butt into my life when it involves my heart, or my dick."

Sehun chuckles with disbelief while retracting away. He places a hand on his hip and retorts, "Right, because you met me at a party and I made you confess. Then I took you to a bar and started your sex addiction."

The wind chills him. "Precisely."

"Let's go to the car,” Sehun says sharply. 

That’s what he’s been trying to do. He walks quickly but Sehun beats him. As he tries to walk faster, Sehun begins jogging. When Jongin runs, Sehun sprints. Jongin is breathless by the time he gets in his car. 

Jongin smacks the center console light on and snaps, “What was that all about?”

Sehun doesn’t answer. Kisses him instead. His mouth moves against Jongin’s, sucking his lip hard. Jongin chooses to reciprocate the kiss, pressing against him just as hard. Just as Sehun was the first to initiate it, he’s the first to pull away. Jongin bangs his head agaisnt his seat, wondering what the fuck just happened. 

"Would you let me butt in if it involved your dick right now?" 

Jongin nods his head frantically and adjusts his seat, pulling it back and bringing it down as low as it could. He sits up and forces his steering wheel up, then pats his lap. Sehun crawls over the console and brackets his thighs. Their lips collide against each other as Sehun takes control, grinding their crotches together fiercely. 

“Get your dick out,” Sehun mumbles into the kiss. 

“Get your pants off,” Jongin responds with the same attitude. 

They scramble in the tight space, Jongin stroking himself at the sight of Sehun pulling off his sweats. It’s a good thing he got comfortable after the show, otherwise getting him out of his pants would have been difficult. 

Jongin struggles to look for condoms and lube in the glove compartment. Sehun pulls back and does it for him. He spreads Jongin’s fingers and lathers his fingers, urging him to stretch him open. Jongin slips a digit in, earning a whimper from Sehun. 

“Shit’s cold!”

“Sorry, wanna stop?”

“No,” Sehun shakes his head. “No, don’t stop.”

Jongin thrusts his finger into Sehun hurriedly. Having learned some skills within the last couple of months, he already crooks them, causing Sehun to yelp. It seems about right to add a second digit, so he asks then dives right in upon Sehun’s nod. 

Sehun touches him. He caresses his chest the entire time Jongin fucks his fingers into him. His fingertips tweak his nipples. His lips latch onto Jongin’s jaw, nibbling the skin and lapping his tongue in a way to soothe the wounded spots. 

“Jongin, get in now. I’m ready,” Sehun demands with a shaky breath while reaching for Jongin’s cock

Jongin shakes his head, wanting to scissor him some more. He didn’t get the opportunity to look at Sehun yet, only making him comfortable. His eyes lock on Sehun as he works his fingers inside him skillfully. He snaps upright with a whimper, clutching the handle on the door and dropping his face into Jongin’s neck. 

“Jongin, Jongin please.”

“Yeah, give me,” Jongin says while palming the passenger seat for the condom. 

While Jongin expects Sehun to give him the packet, Sehun ends up curling his fingers around the base of his cock and rolling the condom on for him. He pours lube on his hands and continues to stroke up until he’s all lathered up. Jongin releases a groan when he tightens his grip before pulling away. 

Sehun lines up Jongin’s cock with his entrance then dips down with ease. He doesn’t wait, moving his hips fervently. His hands clamp up around the seat’s headrest and Jongin drops his on Sehun’s thighs. 

“Ride me, Sehun.”

“Mhm.”

Sehun rocks himself on Jongin’s lap as they mold their lips together in a sloppy, frantic kiss. Sehun’s lips are soft and plump like he’s always known. He never thought he'd kiss him before, but he’s never thought about kissing him in general. Much like the other people he’s slept with, he doesn’t feel the spark. He kisses harder and harder, trying to seek something more than what it is but fails. Ignoring the rush he’s looking for, Sehun still feels so good around him. He’s so fucking tight and snug around Jongin’s cock, taking him so well. 

“Jongin, I’m close,” Sehun whimpers and begins bouncing faster, more rushed and needily. 

Jongin plants his feet on the ground and starts pistoling his hips upwards. He digs his fingers into Sehun’s hips and thrusts in tandem with the way Sehun rises and falls on his cock. Sehun drops his face against Jongin’s shoulder breathlessly while pumping himself to the edge. His teeth seep into Jongin’s skin while he shakes on top of him, coming into his own chest. Jongin follows shortly, raising Sehun off him, then fucking into his own hand. 

Not even minutes after Sehun comes off his high, he starts complaining, “Ugh, this is gross, Jongin.”

“It’s not my first time. You just gotta get used to it,” he responds breathily. 

“Right, I know I’m not the first. Based off the half empty lube in here. Unless that’s for getting yourself off in here, which is also gross.” 

Jongin opens up the console and gives Sehun a damp napink. “I come prepared.” 

Sehun wipes off his hands then his shirt. He cringes as Jongin removes the condom and chucks it into a tiny diaper disposable bag. He helps Sehun onto his seat gently then hands him tangerine scented lotion. 

“You aren’t kidding.” 

Jongin sighs in content. He closes his eyes and wonders how he got to this point. When he and Taeyong were friends, he couldn’t even look at another person. He didn’t want to sleep with anybody until he was sure that the person he was to sleep with would be his new crush. They haven’t talked since, and somehow Jongin can’t count the amount of people he’s slept with on his fingers. And Sehun, of all people?

Sehun sighs besides him. “Jongin. Stop thinking so hard.”

“M’not.”

"You know, you've been holding out for so long just for Taeyong that I think you finally broke. You’re a fucking animal who disregards people's feeelings. Either slow it down, or take me anytime you need to.”

"You're not serious right now." Jongin looks over and sees that same apathetic expression in Sehun’s face as usual. “Oh, you’re not.”

"We all know I don't want anyone but Baek. That goes for you too with somebody else. I need some release too. Why not with you?"

Jongin tucks himself back in his pants then fixes his seat to drive. He spots the flowers on Sehun’s lap and gives them a good smell before starting the ignition. 

As he drives home, not too long until they’re at Jongin’s, he allows them to recollect the moment, “This was just… you were irritated and I was offended. It turned pretty hot real fast. I’m not doing this again.”

“Okay, if you say so.”

Jongin jumps out of the driver's seat quickly just so he can open Sehun’s door like a good gentleman. After that wild ride, he owes him this much. He bursts into a fit of laughter when he notices Sehun's distressed limp as he crawls out the car. 

There’s a sound of a familiar horn that makes Jongin’s blood drain from his face. He looks around and confirms his suspicions. 

“Shit… Sehun we have to go.”

“What? Come on don’t act like you didn’t just ream my ass.”

Jongin offers Sehun his arm and makes him take it, then shuts the door and avoids locking his car twice. 

“It’s Taeyong and Baekhyun.”

Sehun makes an indescribable yelping noise. He clutches on Jongin’s bicep while hurrying away from the garage and towards the entrance of the apartment building. 

They are greeted with the bright lobby light and sigh in relief when the door behind them doesn’t open again. Sehun jabs the elevator button relentlessly but it’s no use, this elevator is madly slow as always. It finally opens a few seconds later and Sehun pulls Jongin inside roughly. Too bad this elevator sucks because it ends up not closing in time, allowing Jongin to catch faint laughter. 

Jongin groans in distress and Sehun presses his forehead against the elevator door, mumbling _shit shit shit._

“Excuse us,” Taeyong says kindly. “Hope you don’t mind.”

The sound of his voice nearly shatters Jongin’s heart at once. It’s been way too long since he’s heard the sweetness of it. His voice is gentle and coy. Whenever he speaks, argues, cries, it’s always soft and understanding. Not that night though. 

Jongin looks at the elevator buttons like it’s the most important thing in the world. He focuses his attention there until it blurs together, then from the corner of his eyes he sees the doors shut. Sehun turns around, then there are two inaudible gasps. 

"Oh hey, Sehun. And,” Jongin detects Baekhyun making an _ah-ha_ moment, “Hey, you're the guy from the record shop who helped me pick out my anniversary gift. Taeyong, you should definitely thank him since you loved it so much."

"Thanks."

"No problem," Jongin says without looking directly at him, just staring at the sweater which he can confirm is _his_. 

It's been three months since they've shared the same air like this. He doesn't want to see how much more glowing Taeyong must be. How vibrant his smile could be, or how clear his skin is. He doesn't need the sight of him cuddling close to Baekhyun either. He doesn't want to feel the ache if he were to witness Taeyong smiling at him lovingly.

Sehun claps, startling everyone in the elevator. "So, where'd you guys come from?"

Baekhyun chuckles. "Just enjoyed the city night. You?" 

"Had a special dance recital that he escorted me to,” Sehun responds while jabbing his thumb into Jongin's chest. 

Jongin ends up grabbing Sehun's hand and shoving it into his own chest. Sehun winces, slaps Jongin's cheek then smacks him with his array of spring flowers. It results in Jongin securing his fingers around Sehun's wrists, preventing him from hitting him again. They bicker back to back and when Jongin tightens his grip, Sehun bites his lip and winks.

The elevator door opens and Sehun warmly dismisses them, "Oh well, bye Baekhyun and Taeyong!"

When the couple gets out, Jongin catches Baekhyun mumbling, "Wait, how do you know him?"

Jongin shoves Sehun and gasps, "Sehun, you blew it!"

"No. I didn't but come on, I wanna blow something else."

"You did not just say that."

"I did. Wanna shut me up?"

Jongin is startled when he turns over and finds Sehun in his bed. He basically yelps, shaking Sehun in his wake.

"What!" Sehun squeaks.

"Me what? You what! You didn't sleep in my bed last night."

Sehun shakes his head and tightens his grip around his mug. "I crawled up here this morning."

"What are you drinking?"

"Tea."

"And are you alright?"

Sehun heaves a heavy sigh then presses his back against the bed frame. Jongin sits up with him and drops a hand on his thigh. 

"Did something hurt last night or do you regret it. Tell me."

"No, it's not you."

Jongin lets him remain as quiet as he needs to be until he is capable of forming his thoughts. It takes a couple minutes but Sehun is adjusting in his seat then he starts in a small, exhausted voice.

"They don't look in love."

"I'm sorry?" Jongin mutters, hoping for an explanation.

"Baekhyun and Taeyong don't look into each other. Was Baekhyun just doing it because he got the chance. He doesn't look like he likes him. I may not know Taeyong, but even he doesn't have light in his eyes."

"Maybe other people don't look like we do."

"Like we do? No, Jongin, just you."

Jongin chuckles bitterly. "Hey, I see how you look at Byun, too."

Sehun abruptly gets up and places his mug on the nightstand. He straddles Jongin's lap urgently and wraps smacks his palms on his shoulder.

"I've got an idea."

"You look mischievous."

"How do you feel about us playing it off? Like they were probably so fooled yesterday. Maybe I'll hit him up with a double date then bam, they'll realize they did us dirty."

Jongin doesn't like the sound of that at all. "First of all, you're the one who broke up with him. And lastly, I would never hurt Taeyong."

Later, Jongin gets a notification on his phone, alerting him that Baekhyun is now following him. He doesn't have any restraint, immediately heading onto his page and finds his feed littered with photos of food, his dog, and many photos of Sehun. There are only two couple photos with Taeyong despite the duration of their relationship. Sehun has a point when he believes Baekhyun isn't in love with Taeyong the slightest.

  
  


Jongin welcomes himself into Jaehyun’s house alone. It's the first time he's coming to a party without Taeyong. It feels weird without Taeyong by his side, but he's been doing it for a while now, so it's nothing new. Sehun said he'll meet him later on though, if he isn't still beat from dance. 

This time around Jongin doesn't act so shy, having adapted to loud music and drunk people fairly well. He gets a red cup and uses the keg, pulling the nozzle until foam brims at the top. It takes him not even a few seconds to get through half the cup.

What was supposed to be a good night drinking and hanging out by the pool turns out to be something else when he spots Taeyong spinning around, going bonkers. There are stains on his shirt and his shoes are off. 

"Taeyong," Jongin calls while attempting to get through the heavy bodies. "Hey, hey, Taeyong!"

Jongin meets Taeyong and holds his face in his hands. He examines his eyes that are droopy and bloodshot. His breath reeks, clogging up Jongin's nostrils with something ugly. Taeyong wraps his arms around Jongin's waist and nuzzles his cheeks against Jongin's own.

"I wanna go home now, Jongin, let's go."

Despite barely arriving for only ten minutes, Jongin would drop anything for Taeyong. He nods in agreement and walks him out through the backyard door.

Jongin faces the typical struggles of handling an intoxicated Taeyong to and from his car. He never let go of Taeyong's house key. But this is the moment to have some answers, so he finds Taeyong's keys in his back pocket and discovers that he still has their photo keychain on it.

When they get inside, disappointment washes over him. Photos of the two of them are gone. They used to be splayed all over the walls. At least the vinyls stay intact, like Baekhyun mentioned. Something that makes Jongin's heart leap out his chest is the sight of the Rini vinyl on his player. It was from Baekhyun, alright, but Jongin knows he listened to it because of Jongin. Because Taeyong never listens to vinyls, only Jongin does.

"Jongin, where are you?"

"Hey," Jongin says while going to the bathroom where he left Taeyong to tend to his business. "Ready for bed?"

Taeyong nods tiredly and intertwines his fingers with Jongin. He lets go once they're in his room and starts to strip. Jongin looks away awkwardly then decides to tidy up Taeyong's bed from strewn clothing. He welcomes Taeyong into his bed by pulling the sheets and waiting for him to settle in.

Once he gets himself comfortable with nothing but shorts, Jongin raises the blankets over his shoulder. 

"Should I call Baekhyun?"

"No, I want you here."

Jongin sits on the ground with his knees to his chest as he stares at Taeyong's slow breathing pattern, chest rising and falling. His eyes are half opened, forcing themselves to keep contact with Jongin.

"Sleep, Taeyong."

"Wait, will you stay?"

"I'm here, right?

Taeyong hums. "Jongin?"

"Yes?"

"Jongin, I think Baekhyun still loves Sehun…"

Jongin watches Taeyong's drowsy eyes finally settle. He paces the room, attempting to absorb the information. When he calls for Taeyong minutes after, there is no response. Jongin realizes that is his queue to depart.

The floorboards creak, other than from himself. When he glances up, he finds Taeyong’s roommate staring at him like a deer in headlights. 

"Jongin?"

"Mark… hey."

"What are you doing here?"

He nods. “I brought Taeyong home.”

“Oh.” Mark shifts on his feet from left foot to right. “Look, are you ever going to come around?”

“That’s up to Taeyong.”

Mark inches closer to him and asks carefully, “Well, what happened?”

“I don’t really know. For eight years I’ve been nothing but understanding and thoughtful.”

  
  


A month later, Jongin receives a text from Taeyong that makes him blink rapidly. He reads it over and over and over. Ten minutes pass, the message remains. He realizes that he hasn’t replied to Taeyong’s invitation. It’s like texting a crush all over again. He doesn’t know how to respond even though he is certain of what he wants. In the end, Jongin responds that he’ll see him soon. 

The day comes, and Jongin tries not to overdress. He admits, he’s dressing more sharp and flashier than usual though. 

Jongin purchases a rose and a stuffed bear with a crooked graduation cap. He finds his seat easily based on the instructions Taeyong sent. Taeyong’s parents greet him warmly. Taeyong’s sister pokes his cheek and says he needs to check out their new stamp card. He hugs them after not seeing them since Christmas. When he spots Jaehyun and Mark, the inevitable is bound to happen. But then it doesn’t, he doesn’t come face to face with Taeyong’s boyfriend. Besides Mark, if anybody had any suspicions, they don’t address it. 

The ceremony is obviously a bit boring with the way Jongin doesn’t know this class. He graduated with only two years, and then a whole different arts degree. But he claps for every individual and especially gets on his toes and screams his head off when Taeyong’s name is called.

Taeyong’s family guides the group out when it’s over. Jaehyun stands by his side and gives him a dumb look, as usual. 

“What do you want, Jae?”

“I’ve missed your ass.”

“I went to your party last week.”

“Yeah the one you and Taeyong left together. So you good now? Considering you’re here?”

Jongin squints as if it’ll clarify his accusation. “What did he tell you anyway?” he asks. 

“Disagreement. Didn’t think it would be a half a year strain.”

The signature excuse Taeyong uses for everything, Jongin thinks to himself bitterly. At least he didn’t expose Jongin’s feelings. 

“Hey, why isn’t his boyfriend here?”

“Not my place to tell. I’m sure you’ll hear from the main man himself though. Speaking of which, look, here he is!”

Mark begins clapping and squeaking dramatically. “He’s so small!”

Everyone pulls out their phones and takes photos of Taeyong in his graduation gown. Jomgin sneaks one photo but pockets his phone away quickly in case Taeyong might feel uncomfortable with him. 

Taeyong forms a line for everyone to take photos with him. Jaehyun does their family photo while Jongin stands awkwardly. Each of their friends pose individually then force Jongin to take a picture as well. After he forces a smile for the camera, he goes back to his awkward self who keeps ten feet away from Taeyong. 

“Hey,” Taeyong calls out.

Jomgin dumbly looks around, not believing that Taeyong is actually trying to talk to him. 

“Jongin, can I have a photo with you?”

Jongin nods and walks over to Taeyong, unsure if he should wrap his arm around him affectionately like they do in their old photos. He ends up ghosting a hand over Taeyong’s shoulder, not wanting to look stiff and awkward but not ready to touch him. 

“I got these for you,” Jongin mentions while hanging Taeyong his graduation gifts. 

Taeyong sniffs the rose and gives the bear’s head a kiss. He looks up and smiles at Jongin, which sends him into panic mode — nodding in response frantically with a wide, and probably unflattering, smile. 

“So, we're going to dinner after this. Would you like to come?”

“Oh yeah, my schedule is cleared, sure.” _Stupid_ Jongin, that was not necessary. 

“We all carpooled so I guess I’ll text you the address.”

Jongin nods in response and dips. 

The dinner goes by just fine. Everything feels like how it used to be. Jongin doesn’t talk as avidly as he used to during family dinners like this, but he speaks where he is asked to. He orders the same meal as Taeyong, which doesn’t surprise either of them. He misses Taeyong, and the way he’s within proximity, sitting right across him, doesn’t make him feel any better. He could just reach forward and pinch his cheeks from here. 

Taeyong’s parents offer to pay for it, so everyone else lingers out in the crisp evening. 

“Do you have more of tonight available?”

“Oh, yeah.”

“Can I explain? I want to talk. We should talk.”

Jongin nods. “I’ve been waiting for the closure, yeah.”

“Can I go home with you?”

“Yeah?”

Saying yes to him. That’s the only vocabulary he has when it comes to Taeyong.

“Can I get you anything?”

“No, we can just sit.”

Jongin sits and makes room for Taeyong. “Baekhyun and I had a mutual break up. I called it off. He agreed easier than I thought.”

“Oh. Why?”

“Baekhyun admitted to… still having feelings for Sehun. He wanted to resolve some unfinished issues.”

“Are you okay with that?” Jongin asks softly. 

“Yes. We both knew that we weren’t all there for each other. We moved way too fast into things.”

Jongin doesn’t know what to say. This isn’t exactly the talk he was hoping to have with Taeyong. At least he’ll have some good news to share to Sehun, which involves him and not Jongin. 

It’s like Taeyong is hesitating to say the end thought. His knee taps nervously and his mouth opens and closes. After Jongin nods comfortingly, he adds, “Of course Baekhyun wanted to know if you and him are a thing.”

“We’re not. They’re both idiots pining over each other.”

“What about us?”

“What about us?” Jongin repeats but in a different tone, snappier and roughly. 

“Jongin, it was irrational of me to leave you like that. Maybe I needed a few days to shut you out and think. But I didn’t need to let go of you for this long. All of this was uncalled for. I apologize. I’m so, so sorry for abandoning you. You're my best friend.”

Jongin gulps. Feels his fingers clawing into the couch. “I forgive you.”

“I don’t deserve it though. I’ve noticed I’ve been an awful friend to you.” Taeyong takes a deep breath but it gets caught in his throat and he chokes. 

Jongin doesn’t touch him, doesn’t console him. It takes a minute for Taeyong to compose himself. He makes Jongin look at him with a hand on his cheek. 

“Not just my rude way of not reciprocating your feelings. But before that. I never considered how you felt when you took care of me. I’ve been feeling so awful knowing that you’re always there despite what you feel for me. I don’t want to play the victim here so I will just apologize. I’m so sorry Jongin.”

“We can still be friends,” Jongin mutters.

Taeyong clears his throat. “And if I don’t?”

“Then I’ll have my heart broken, twice.”

“Jongin, I spent the last six months trying to understand the friendship we had for almost a decade. I realized what you’ve been doing all this time. I never noticed but I found out while being away from you. I knew we were inseparable but I didn’t know how much you really impacted my life. I didn’t know what to do without you for so long.”

“You’re the one that said you don’t want to be friends,” Jongin looks away, “I don’t know where you’re going with this.”

“Jongin, I’m saying that if you still love me, teach me. I love you, you know that. But I want to be in love with you too.”

That’s not what he’s always wanted to hear but that’s a sure fucking start. It’s the beginning of everything for them if Taeyong is accepting his feelings. It’s more like closing a really heartbreaking, angsty chapter and getting into another one with chances and possibilities. Jongin wants to keep going in life with Taeyong until the very end, until they finally have their happy ending. 

“Okay,” he says easily. 

“Do you understand me? Jongin, I can’t be without you. And I do like you. I know they’re romantic feelings. I’m just not in love yet. But this isn’t a trial run for me. I will love you. Just give me time?” 

“I’d give you anything if you’d just ask. You know that.”

They are on a _date_. 

When Sehun asked him out after he visited the cafe for the first time in a while, Jongin slipped. He said yes immediately and when Taeyong excused himself to check on a fresh batch of cookies, he jumped joyously, knocking over the wet floor sign and tumbling down to his ass.

This is the first outing that represents something different. They were classmates, then friends, turned best friends. Now they are sharing a table as potential love interests on a date. They are _involved_. It's so surreal, Jongin thinks Taeyong could see him sweating under the table light. 

"How have you been?" Jongin starts.

"No small talk, Jongin. I know it was my fault, but I hope you'll look past it. For now, order something then I'll ask you about your classes."

Jongin nods and looks through the menu. They are at their favorite steakhouse, which makes everything more weird because usually they would share two or three entries then play a mini game to see who'd pay the bill. Jongin is pretty sure they should eat their own things this time, then he should be the gentleman to pay since he's older.

They end up asking for the same plate, which surprises neither of them, so Taeyong asks if they'll share and get a second item. Jongin dumbly looks through the menu and hums while their waiter stares them down. Eventually, along with their ribeye, Taeyong orders an alfredo pasta dish for them. Neither of them get alcoholic drinks and Taeyong orders a pie. 

"So dance."

"I'm just slowing down. Not too worried about my degree to teach just yet. Classes are fun for now with not too much to think about."

Taeyong nods then sips his drink. Jongin stares at him, his face alone drowns out the sounds of everyone else surrounding them. He drinks in the way Taeyong glows so naturally and smiles to himself when Taeyong catches him staring with a little startled expression playing on his face. He cowers his head in embarrassment so Jongin nudges him from beneath the table.

"What about the cafe? How's that?"

"We have six new recipes. You'll have to come and try them, okay?"

The two fall into something easy. They talk and talk, unaware of the waiter serving their food. Jongin slices the meat for them and gives Taeyong some vegetables and mashed potatoes. Taeyong swirls the pasta noodle, scooping a generous amount onto Jongin's plate. They pick up back where they left off, with Jaehyun being a nuisance to Taeyong with his constant party invites and Jongin bickering about Taemin forgetting to clock out occasionally. 

Taeyong only takes a bite of the pie then slides it over to Jongin, insisting he finishes it. Jongin agrees and indulges. He notices the way Taeyong keeps his eyes on him, making him suddenly self conscious. He licks his lips then places the spoon back onto the table slowly.

"What?"

"You've always boosted my confidence. Then you stopped. I get it now."

Jongin nods bashfully. "I never wanted you to find out."

"You were always handsome to me, and you made my heart feel things during multiple occasions. I don't know why I forced myself to ignore the way I felt."

Nothing before matters. Jongin knows he will sweep Taeyong off his feet, doing anything he can to make Taeyong feel at least half of what he feels. He always stood behind Taeyong as a good best friend, afraid to confess because he saw punishments more than rewards. Now that all the difficult parts are lifted, he will stand beside Taeyong without fear. 

When they’re parked in the dim garage, Jongin ponders for a moment before unlocking the door. He doesn't want the night to end, where he'll chivalrously walk Taeyong to his home and give him a kiss on the cheek. They could spend more hours together, like they would do after any night out. It doesn't have to be so traditional and scripted.

“So, records and wine at mine?”

“Yeah. I’m up for it.”

Jongin tries to flag down the elevator, but Taeyong pulls him away and mutters a soft, "We'll just wait."

Taeyong leans against the wall, tilting his head and gazing at Jongin with an admirable expression. He attracts Jongin to him, arms wrapping around his upper body with a grin. Their height is the same, but with the way Taeyong is looking through his lashes at him with his eyes wide and gentle makes him feel dazed.

“So?”

“Yeah…”

Jongin is the first to break the distance, puckering his lips and planting them on Taeyong’s gently. Their lips move together in sync and neither of them become shy after Taeyong swipes his tongue beneath Jongin’s lower lip. He pulls him awfully closer and escalates the kiss into something harder, lustful and sloppy. Taeyong moans in his mouth when he pushes him rougher into the wall, then drags him into the elevator when it signals the opening doors. 

Taeyong pulls away and stands at a distance like they didn’t just suck each other’s face off. 

"That was… _good_ ," Taeyong says with emphasis on his final word. 

"Yeah, I enjoyed that."

Taeyong giggles. "Is it everything you imagined?"

"I didn't imagine it to be in the apartment lobby."

There's a silence, eerie with the mechanical noise from the elevator.

Then Jongin jokes out, “Mine or yours?”

Taeyong pinches Jongin’s cheek. “Why the nonsense? What do you think?”

“I dunno! Your bed is comfier.”

“And you don’t have any roommates,” Taeyong deadpans. 

“Oh…”

Taeyong nods then urgently jabs the twelfth floor button. His foot taps impatiently and he bangs the back of his head against the wall. 

“Then wait, why’d you ask if you already knew where you wanted to go?”

“You’ve got a point there,” Taeyong says then drops his face into Jongin’s chest and starts to laugh hysterically. 

Then suddenly, Jongin thinks,”How about Jaehyun’s hot tub?”

“How about when our sex life becomes more active and we’re in a more intimate relationship?”

Jongin smirks at Taeyong’s compromise. His dick twitches in his pants mostly knowing that they’d be together for a very long tine, and then of course, the while sex in water thing. “I’m holding that against you,” he says. 

“What you need to hold is me up against a wall. I swear.” 

Jongin doesn’t waste a second to fulfil Taeyong’s request. He presses Taeyong’s body against the elevator wall with his palms on his hips and leans down, attaching his lips to Taeyong’s neck. He earns a breathy sigh in response and feels the way Taeyong’s arms snake around his shoulders. His lips wander leisurely, kissing every inch of Taeyong’s neck and savoring the spots that make him respond most. 

The elevator chimes. Jongin hauls Taeyong out, arms still wrapped around his waist. He used to carry Taeyong over his back when Taeyong was tired from dance practice. He carried him in bridal style all those times he was drunk. But never like this. This is lustful and sensual, as he hastily keeps his face buried in Taeyong’s face while tightening his grip with every kiss. 

Taeyong’s body slams against the apartment door, making him emit a high pitched whimper. Jongin apologies sympathetically before groping Taeyong’s back pocket for his set of keys despite having his own. 

“Jongin, you know I don’t put my keys there,” Taeyong releases. 

“Yeah? Do I know that?” Jongin teases while continuing to slip his hands into Taeyong’s back pockets. He forces Taeyong’s front to meet his front, then squeezes his ass in his hands. “Get my keys then.” 

Taeyong nods frantically while slipping his hands into Jongin’s back pocket, lingering for a few seconds before pulling out the keys. He puts them into Jongin’s palm quickly. Jongin fondles the doorknob while jamming any key into it uselessly.

“Spare a second to get it right, Jongin. Don’t do this out here.”

Jongin agrees and pulls away from Taeyong. Apparently Taeyong thinks Jongin doesn’t have restraint because he pulls away from the door and stands behind Jongin. Jongin doesn’t mind it though because there’s no distractions while he unlocks the door. 

What Jongin doesn’t expect when he opens the door is for Taeyong to shove him in. He presses him against the door to shut it then slips his thigh in between Jongin’s legs. He presses up against him quickly, giving them the friction they both crave. Jongin feels himself hardening beneath his jeans immediately. He dips down just to get a taste of Taeyong’s lips, not having the pleasure to indulge in it just yet. Taeyong is a biter, nibbling his lips as they mold together frantically. Taeyong brings his hands into Jongin’s hair and pulls it, earning a pleased hiss from Jongin. 

“Want you so bad,” Taeyong moans into his mouth. “Bedroom, please.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Jongin saw Taeyong’s obvious eyes when he carried him earlier. He lifts Taeyong off the ground, hearing a gasp resonate against his ear. As he carries Taeyong into the bedroom, Taeyong does nothing but latch his lips on Jongin’s earlobe and massaging the back of his head gently. Jongin sighs in content as Taeyong’s lips wander lower, tongue lapping around the expanse. 

In an attempt to throw Taeyong into the mattress, Jongin detaches him roughly. He finds himself slotted in between Taeyong’s legs, already grinding against him aggressively. While it feels so fucking good being close to Taeyong like this, it isn’t enough. He strips Taeyong of his shirt then steadily undoes his jeans while keeping their eyes locked. He makes sure to graze the brief’s waistband against Taeyong’s cock while discarding it. When Taeyong flinches, Jongin knows he’s teasing him just right. 

“What do you want, baby?”

“I love the pet name. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of it coming from you.”

Jongin lets out a genuine laugh because of Taeyong’s sweetness. He carefully spreads his legs and caresses his inner thighs. “While that’s cute, I was hoping to be inside you.”

“Please, please.”

“On your back? I want to see you.”

“Yeah, anything is fine.”

Jongin takes off his shirt while walking across his bedroom to retrieve the lube. His eyes linger on the contents in his drawer. He asks Taeyong whether or not he’s okay to be without protection. They are both without a doubt, clean and safe. Easily Taeyong tells him he wants to feel him, which sets a whole different fire through Jongin’s body. 

“You want me right?” Jongin asks to clarify. 

“I do. If I didn’t I wouldn’t be here right.”

“And you want me to prep you?”

Taeyong nods anxiously. “Open me up, please. Need your fingers in me so bad.”

“Got it,” Jongin says shakily, affected by Taeyong’s words and how needy he sounds. 

Jongin coats his fingers with lube and slowly inserts his first digit inside Taeyong. It comes easy after a minute, giving him the confidence to finger him casually. He begs for more. Jongin gets the idea to put him onto his side and sling his leg over his body so he can attach their lips together. While they participate in a fervent kiss, he thrusts two fingers in without hesitation, prodding knuckles deep with every thrust. 

The more he loosens up Taeyong, the harder he gets. Taeyong’s body becomes so giving to him. He rutts against Jongin any time he slows his movements, whimpers and class Jongin’s back anytime Jongin goes too fast. 

Taeyong is mesmerizing. Utterly beautiful as his eyebrows knit fiercely with his jaw slack. He releases the prettiest sounds when Jongin rubs his entrance teasingly just to slip his fingers in without notice. 

It’s safe to go further and stretch him wide open. He lubes up Taeyong’s entrance and listens to the way his three fingers make lewd sloshing sounds as his hole engulfs them. Jongin experimentally crooks his fingers and Taeyong cries. His back arches so desperately, his chest presses closer to Jongin’s chest. 

“Jongin, Jongin please, need you,” Taeyong says in a broken voice. 

“I know, babe. Get in a position for me.”

“Which one?” 

“Whatever you want.”

Taeyong rolls over and plants his palms and knees into the bed. His upper body dips down and he raises his ass in the air, flaunting it from side to side. Jongin palms himself through his jeans as he caresses Taeyong’s asscheek. He lets himself savor the moment because he never thought he’d ever be with Taeyong in any kind of form of intimacy. This is something unreal and worth the moment of silence for him to just bask in. 

“Jongin?”

“Mhmm, I’m here.”

“Then get in me.”

“Yeah, but your ass…”

“What about it?” Taeyong says carefully. 

Jongin gets to the edge of the bed and kneels down. He finds Taeyong with a look of concern. He kisses his forehead in a form of reassurance before shimmying out of his pants. 

“Inside you?” Jongin teases as he strokes his length, latter up his cock purposefully in front of Taeyong. 

Taeyong noticeably licks his lips then nods. “Please don’t make me wait.”

“I’m not. I’ve waited forever to have you. I won’t waste a minute.”

“Okay, okay yes,” Taeyong whimpers. 

Jongin laughs at the way Taeyong thinks he’ll have it this easily. He saunters around the bed until he gets closest to Taeyong’s ass. He plants a gentle hand on his hip and says in a hushed voice, “But you will beg.”

Taeyong gasps. “ _Jongin_.”

“Yes, babe?”

“Jongin, don’t make me beg.”

“But I bet you’d sound so good like this. It’s the least you can do to mend my heart.”

Taeyong raises his head and looks over his shoulder. “I’m dating you now you. That’s more than enough.”

“Alright, if that’s enough we don’t have to sleep together tonight.”

“No, Jongin.” Taeyong drops his face onto the bed and dips his upper body even deeper into the mattress. “Jongin, please.”

“I was kidding,” Jongin reassures, not wanting to pressure Taeyong into anything. 

“I want it. _Please_.”

“Please what?” This is making Jongin lose his mind. His dick can’t wait any longer. 

“Need you inside me. Fuck me, please. Use me all you want. You deserve it.”

Jongin caresses Taeyong’s back as he gets into position. He leans down and plants open mouth kisses on his back as a reward. He admits, “I don’t deserve you. But since you offered, I’ll have my way with you.”

Taeyong hums in agreement and clutches the bedsheets like he can’t take it despite Jongin’s lack of actions. 

“Relax,” Jongin whispers. “You can count on me to make you feel good. I’d never just use you, you know that.”

Jongin scissors him open just for measure. He wants to make this really good for the both of them since Jongin’s been waiting forever and because he wants Taeyong to know that someone out there loves him unconditionally. That person is Jongin. Who knows where they’ll be, but Jongin wants to be his now. He wants to prove to Taeyong that relationships don’t have to end in tears and fights. It’s not one sided. Taeyong doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t have to please his boyfriend because he’s supposed to. He doesn’t have to be somebody to pass time with. Jongin will give him everything and more. He will prove to Taeyong that there’s a balance and that Taeyong is worthy to be in a relationship like this. He wants Taeyong to realize that he should have been with Jongin all along. 

Taeyong’s hole engulfs Jongin’s cock like they were made for each other. He’s so tight and hot around Jongin, it feels unreal. He doesn’t move, waiting for Taeyong to adjust but he already imagines all the way he’s going to wreck Taeyong’s ass. He plants his hands on Taeyong’s hips and gives him steady thrusts.

“Jongin, just move.”

“Are you sure?”

“Please fuck me.” 

Jongin picks up his pace, rocking into Taeyong in a way where he can savor it. He feels the way he slides in between Taeyong’s wall in and out, mesmerized by it. Taeyong fucks back against him eagerly, refusing to take Jongin’s leisurely thrusts.

“I love the way you squirm for me like this. Harder?”

“Yes, please. Harder, faster, Jongin.”

Jongin pulls out, head of his cock nuzzles against the muscle, until he sends a sharp thrust, hard enough to make Taeyong’s elbows collapse. He groans at the sight and mutters out, “Love you like this.”

Never did he think he would be passionately drilling his cock into Taeyong like this. He had a handful of times with his hands around his dick at the thought of Taeyong naked. But he never thought he’d actually be able to undress him one day. 

Jongin’s imagination alone gives him the determination to make Taeyong feel so good. His hips slap against Taeyong’s ass, causing a rippling wave against his skin. He punctures his fingers deeper into his skin, thinking that he can form memories to keep until tomorrow. Taeyong whines at that. When Jongin loosens up, Taeyong looks over his shoulder and shakes his head frantically. Jongin understands his wants and proceeds to bury his fingers deep into Taeyong’s flesh. 

The hair on Jongin’s forehead tickles him with every thrust, eventually loose strands glue themselves onto it from how much work he’s putting in to pleasing Taeyong. Their bodies are so damp, if Jongin were to have Taeyong flat on his stomach with Jongin’s chest on top of his back, their bodies would glide against each other wet and sloppily.

Jongin doesn’t realize how close he is until his hips start to falter. His pace quickens as he attempts to chase his high. He raises Taeyong back onto his palms and slips a hand beneath him, pumps him off in tandem with the movement of his hips. Taeyong is pilant, taking each and every one of Jongin’s vigorous thrusts whilst emitting incoherent chains of curse words. 

“J-Jongin, I’m gonna c-“ Taeyong drops onto his forearms then swats Jongin’s hand away, in replacement to fuck his own. 

Each time Taeyong shakes and shivers from the stimulation, Jongin is one move closer to releasing. He suddenly clenches hard around him, making him tighter than ever. Jongins thinks he sees stats. He fucks into Taeyong, heart thumping madly as he feels his stomach coiling and goes curling. He comes deep inside Taeyong, hot and sticky, coating his insides. He thrusts shallowly, pulling himself out of his high as the sounds of Taeyong’s breath evening out soothes him. 

Jongin rubs at Taeyong’s ring of muscle until he squirms and whimpers, “ _No more_.”

Because he remembers Taeyong’s sex rants from all these years, one of his pet peeves is a messy cleaner. He’s reminded that Taeyong likes damp towels and it would not hurt to take his time caring for him. Apparently guys have used t-shirts or scented baby wipes that Taeyong did not approve of. He makes sure the towel is warm as he thoroughly cleanses Taeyong’s body. He even wipes his face with a new one. 

“Was it okay?” Jongin asks while helping Taeyong get up so he could replace the sheets. 

“Wonderful, yeah. And you?”

Jongin grins happily. “Everything I’ve been dreaming about, yup.”

“Mhm.” Taeyong helps him pull the sheet under the corners of the mattress. “What would make this night better is if you hold me. And we’ll just listen to music. It’s been a while.”

Jongin pulls Taeyong into his arms and gives him a peck. He licks his lips all slobbery and dramatic for emphasis then kisses him again. He feels the spark that he’s been feeling all night. His heart does a dance in his chest and his hands get clammy. 

“Taeyong, I love you. Is it alright for me to keep saying it? You don’t have to do it though. I get it.”

“Oh, yes. Right… I really like you Jongin. Who knows, maybe the more you say it, the more that I’ll fall for you until it’s entirely love.” 

Jongin hops into bed, leaning against the end frame, then makes grabby hands for Taeyong. He gives him the right side of the bed, knowing very well that it’s Taeyong’s favorite spot. His chest as well is all for Taeyong’s as he encourages Taeyong to rest his head on it. 

“You fall in love like melting ice, Taeyong. You’ll love me soon, I don’t doubt that. But I’ll convince you. I’m really good at getting what I want.”

“I’m good at giving you what you want, for the most part, huh?” Taeyong asks with a glint in his eyes. 

Jongin teases with a drawl voice, “Ehhh, there have been some occasions where you didn’t pull through. Wait, I can name one big one.”

“Jongin,” Taeyong whines while his nails scratch his chest. “From here on out, I will never dismiss your feelings. I will understand you. Sorry it took me so long to realize I wasn’t giving it my all.”

“No, it’s okay. You were too caught up looking for the right person that you couldn’t see that I’ve always been here.”

Taeyong pulls off his chest and frowns. “I know you don’t mean it in a harsh way, but I do regret not giving you a chance sooner. I hope you know that.”

Jongin sinks into the bed and urgently pulls Taeyong on top of him. Their legs insert in between one another. Their chests press together warmly. Jongin holds Taeyong’s face into his hands, staring at every detail that makes Taeyong the one he truly loves, as he whispers, “I don’t regret anything, neither should you.”

Taeyong leans down and attaches their lips together in what starts off as a tender kiss. Gentle pecks being exchanged turns into lips smacking. Jongin swipes his tongue on the seam of Taeyong’s lips then forces his way through. His hands wander down the expanse of Taeyong’s nude body and stops at his ass where he gives it a firm squeeze. He helps in Jongin’s mouth but doesn’t detest his actions so Jongin retracts his hand just to collide his palm against it. 

“ _J-Jongin_ ,” Taeyong whines as he pulls away. 

“Wait, so you like that?”

Though Jongin’s heard about the awful one night stands and the complaints about his boyfriends not being that good, he doesn’t know too much about what Taeyong really likes. He knows Taeyong likes when a guy can be gentle and rough all in one night. But he doesn’t know if Taeyong’s into hair pulling, biting, spanking. 

Jongin slaps his ass again and Taeyong shivers and drops his face into Jongin’s chest, planting an open mouth kiss on his collar bone. As Jongin kneads his ass, Taeyong leaves kisses all over his chest until he zealously swirls his tongue around Jongin’s nipple. He catches it in between his teeth before sucking on it while rubbing the other that isn’t occupied with his mouth. 

“Your mouth is so good, Taeyong.” 

“Is it?”

While so, maybe not tonight. Maybe another night he’ll feel Taeyong’s hot mouth around him. 

Jongin nods and inserts three fingers past Taeyong’s entrance. Above him Taeyong stills for a second, until he begins lapping his tongue again. His body starts grinding in tandem with Jongin’s fingers and his hands wander to Jongin’s cock, hard again, coated with precome. 

While Jongin loves the way he breaks Taeyong down with his fingers, and loves Taeyong’s fist jerking him off, he wants Taeyong’s hole to engulf his pulsating cock again. He flips them over eagerly, shoving Taeyong into the mattress by the shoulders. Taeyong’s eyes are lust filled and his lips are a bright shade of red. It urges Jongin to spread his legs and line up the head of his cock with that needy, pink hole. 

“Up for it?”

“Oh my god, yes please.”

Taeyong raises his chin and screws his eyes shut when Jongin slams in without hesitation. It’s different than earlier, where he was careful with Taeyong and wanted to make him feel good with moderate, shallow thrusts. Right now, he can actually see what he’s doing to Taeyong. He sees the way his cock makes him react. How he hiccups with every touch and how he whines for the feeling of more. He fucks into him relentlessly as he watches the way Taeyong’s cock bounces helplessly on his stomach. The sight makes Jongin realize he wants him to come untouched this time and won’t let him have a say otherwise. 

Jongin leans down, digging his teeth into Taeyong’s neck and mounts him into the mattress with all his upper weight. This angle causes Taeyong’s arms to strike up instantly and wrap around Jongin’s body. He feels the stinging of his skin every time Taeyong’s nails rake down his body with needy sobs. Taeyong tells him _don’t stop_ , and that he’s _so fucking close_. He continues to hit Taeyong’s prostate dead on and pulls away, refusing to let Taeyong’s cock have any form of friction in between their stomachs. 

“Ah, Jongin please—“

Jongin swats the side of his ass before spreading his legs further apart. He knows Taeyong is very, very flexible. Seeing him like this brings Jongin a different high. He’s so pretty like this and Jongin wants to wreck him any chance he can get. He’s only thought purely of the man he was in love with, and now, he won’t just settle for hugs and kisses ever again. _Fuck_ , he loves Taeyong and everything about him. He’s balls deep, filling him to the brim. His hips don’t stutter, he keeps his force and pace consistent until his hips start to ache and Taeyong’s cheeks begin to dampen with tears. He pulls out when he can’t take it anymore and pumps himself above Taeyong’s chest, releasing streaks of white coating his pale body. Taeyong flinches and squirms, begging mindlessly to touch him, but Jongin forces him in place and coaxes him into a climax.

“If we get into one more round before we go to bed, you’re buying me a vinyl,” Taeyong pants breathlessly.

  
  


Jongin takes one summer class online, meanwhile Taeyong works full time at his cafe. They see each other daily because Jongin wakes up and eats breakfast with Taeyong, then tends to his three hour class at the cafe. Taeyong brings him lunch when the shop isn't busy and reviews his notes since Jongin sucks at organizing things. Jongin bids his goodbyes and freshens up to go to his late afternoon job, then meets Taeyong at the dance studio across the street. 

Everyday is the same, with kisses, longing looks, and flirty texts in between.

By the end of this week, Jongin and Taeyong cozy up at Taeyong's in an attempt to bake something nice for Sehun's scholarship. It ends up being a total disaster with flour on the cabinets and oil slicking on the counters. Eggs shells stab their palms. Taeyong gives Jongin bandages despite no open wounds. 

"What the...," Mark mumbles in the middle of Jongin shoving his icing coated finger in Taeyong's mouth.

Taeyong pulls away quickly and wipes his hands on his apron. "Oh, hey Mark!"

"Next time warn a guy!"

Mark storms off and slams the door.

Jongin and Taeyong look at each other dumbly before breaking into a fit of laughter.

"I told you we should've gone to my place."

Taeyong frantically shakes his head. "We can't be alone for too long otherwise we get even more distracted."

"Oh right, you'd never do anything in the presence of Mark Lee," Jongin groans dramatically. "What did you ever do before?"

"I slept with guys at their houses, duh."

"Right, that's a thing. But not when we shared my place."

Taeyong tenses up. "No way. I always made sure you weren't home. That or I scheduled some privacy."

"Oh, must have been playing with yourself then."

Taeyong lunges towards him, gets his arms around his neck and scuffs his hair. "You pervert. You're so gross Kim Jongin!"

Jongin moves quickly, swapping their positions and getting Taeyong locked in his arms. He gives Taeyong's cheek a sloppy wet kiss that turns into a raspberry with the way he tickles and slobbers on him with his lips. 

"How's that for gross?" Jongin presses.

  
  


Before another one of Jaehyun's parties, where Jongin is going to submerge himself in the hot tub with Taeyong, the double date happens. Jongin sits across Taeyong while beside Sehun. There's no hard feelings, just awkwardness. It's a good thing they're just getting some street food takeout.

If someone told him he would be on a date with Taeyong and his ex, and his ex's ex, who's his friends with benefits, he would think it's absurd. 

"How'd you two get back together?" Taeyong asks.

"Oh, confession sex," Baekhyun snorts.

Jongin straightens up and looks to Sehun. He has a stupid grin on his face with bright red cheeks. It reminds him of _things_. A thought occurs, where Jongin wonders if Taeyong knows about what the two, he and Jongin, got up two. It was never confronted or explained. They've only slept together a handful of times. Jongin certainly has some of his clothes over and Sehun once posted a post-sex disheveld photo with Jongin. 

"What's that even mean?" Taeyong grumbles. "Sleeping together then confessing or confessing than sleeping together?"

"No, I think it means simultaneously," Jongin butts in.

Taeyong and Jongin flicker their attention to the couple beside them that chuckles nervously. The silence confirms it.

"Ew," Taeyong grumbles.

Baekhyun leans into his seat and crosses his arms, "Fine. What about you two?"

"Hello, I told him I wanted to be with him and we went on a date then just made it work," Taeyong says like it's the simplest thing in the world.

Jaehyun finds the two in the corner of the lounge room in their own world, sharing a fruity drink. He doesn't say anything as he pulls both of them towards the staircase. People are all over the house, some even topless. Jaehyun's parties are always predictable but never get old. Just when Jongin thinks Jaehyun is going to out them to the entire party, he shoves them into a closet instead.

"Stop manhandling," Taeyong whines.

Jongin perks up at that and argues, "Hey yeah, hands off."

"Here," Jaehyun cheers happily while shoving something onto their heads.

Jongin turns around and witnesses Taeyong in a shiny gold crown. When he raises his hands to touch whatever is on his own head, he feels the sharpness of the tip of the cheap item. 

"What's this for?" Taeyong asks.

"Crowned princes of my party!"

Taeyong holds Jaehyun's wrists to stop him from clapping. "Wait, why is this even a thing?"

"Who cares. I'm a prince with another, the most handsome prince in the world!"

Taeyong glares at Jaehyun as he mutters, "He gets really sappy."

"You guys are such a hot couple. Embrace it!" Jaehyun says finally then slamming the door shut, leaving the two in the storage closet alone.

Jongin brings his hands to Taeyong's face and leans in, giving him an unexpected tender kiss. He brushes the hair away from Taeyong's forehead and laughs at the crooked crown. There's that overwhelming burning sensation in his chest again, the one that's been there since he was sixteen anytime he'd look at Taeyong.

"Cute," he mumbles.

An idea sparks in Jongin's mind. He switches the light off then guides them out of the closet and makes way towards Jaehyun's bedroom.

"What are you doing in here?"

Jongin raises an eyebrow then strips his shirt over his head. "You."

"Shut up, Jongin," Taeyong dismisses with a coy laugh. "I'm not having sex in my friend's bedroom. I mean I could care less about what he feels, but I think his bed is filthy."

"No, the hot tub. It's technically mine," Jongin responds happily while hopping out of his pants and racing towards the balcony door. 

Jongin doesn't wait up for Taeyong. He gauges the temperature then when he deems it comfortable enough, he slips right in and groans in pleasure. He should've came here all these times instead of moping so badly. The jets massage his back and the heat warms his body just right, really easing all of his muscles.

The sound of footsteps on the deck brings Jongin's attention towards the door where he finds Taeyong's bare body leaning against the door frame. His face shows hesitance, but Jongin knows he's bound to enter. He's _naked_. Jongin knows how demure attitude is just a front. He sinks in and closes his eyes, expecting Taeyong to feel more comfortable with the idea of them two being in the hot tub together.

Taeyong’s body splashing into the water is louder than the sounds of the hot tub itself. He peeks one eye open to find Taeyong wincing at the heat. 

“I can lower the temperature,” Jongin mumbles casually. 

“No it’s fine.” 

Taeyong leans back with a hum and Jongin senses his comfort. He tentatively slides closer to him and drapes an arm around his shoulder. When there is no sign of objection, Jongin tilts his head and places open mouth kisses on Taeyong’s shoulder. He grazes his lips along his skin, tasting the peculiar water, until they latch onto Taeyong’s neck. He starts off needily, aggressively sucking every inch he can reach.

"Jongin, wait this is… it's not a good idea."

Jongin shrugs while lapping his tongue against the beads of water on his collarbone. "There's probably a filter anyway."

"Okay, but people are here,” Taeyong whispers. 

Jongin retracts back and glances around, seeing nothing but trees and city life from their high view. He looks back at Taeyong whose cheeks are scarlet red. Jongin caresses his cheek with his damp hand then splashes some water onto Taeyong’s hair, stroking him with a wet hand to get him to adapt to the water some more.

"No one can see us. This is totally secluded. No one will come here unless they want to go into Jaehyun's bedroom. Who the fuck needs to be in his room anyway?"

“You’re right. Let’s make it quick.”

Taeyong swings his leg over Jongin’s lap and fondles for Jongin’s cock beneath his boxers. He gives it a few pumps before hovering over it but Jongin stops him with a hand on his chest. 

“You’re prepped?” 

Taeyong buries his face in Jongin’s shoulder with embarrassment. “I had a feeling we’d get into something either after the date or the party.”

“ _O-oh_.”

“Save it for when you’re inside me,” Taeyong says with a grin. “God this is gonna feel awful but you better like it.”

Jongin shivers in response. Taeyong is an entirely different person when it comes to being sexually intimate with Jongin. He’s so bold and knows what he wants one minute, then the next, he’s a whimpering mess with his mind fuddled and needy for Jongin. 

Taeyong sinks onto his cock and releases a shaky breath. Jongin wraps his arms around his waist and relaxes, preparing to let Taeyong do all the work. He spreads his legs and watches in awe as Taeyong starts riding, already in a quickening. His head falls back, allowing Jongin to graze his teeth along the pretty expanse of his neck. 

“Look, an airplane,” Jongin says playfully as he looks up into the sky. 

Taeyong slaps his bicep and continues to work his hips faster, more hurriedly. He clenches around Jongin's cock and releases a strangled sound when Jongin thrusts upwards into him. He continues his ministrations, driven by Taeyong’s loud moans drowning out the sound of the party. Taeyong’s cheeks are wet and Jongin doesn’t think it’s because of the splashing water. 

The steam swirls around them, making everything feel hotter, on top of this whole public sex ordeal. Jongin never thought he’d be fucking Taeyong in their friend’s hot tub during an active party. 

Begging and bribing aren’t so bad after all. 

**Author's Note:**

> i really didnt want this to end!! it was hard to end it bc I enjoyed it too much 
> 
> ive been writing it relentlessly for two days non stop so it means a lot to me, so please, it is free to leave feedback bc I know its self indulgent but I also wrote it for u kaiyongists - maybe some stand alone one shots for them will follow hehe
> 
> I do admit Jongin was not a good character for not trying to win taeyong over sooner ): but he's entirely torn, so so hurt ):
> 
> aw yeee, so join my kaiyong fic exchange fest if u want more content :)))
> 
> 1 kudos = 1 forgiving kiss from ty to gom to mend his heart some more
> 
> seek me, the writer!  
> [𝐭𝐰𝐭](https://twitter.com/287aus) | [𝐭𝐦𝐛𝐥𝐫](https://ekzxo.tumblr.com) | [𝐜𝐜](https://curiouscat.me/287aus)


End file.
